I am answering Lisa's last post in another blog bc I think it hits on and brings up a
massively important topic. Do you spend time speaking to others about your
condition or hold it inside? And from where does one draw his or her strength?
In the last blog I suggested keeping your IC to yourself and not relying on others
to approve of your choice in treatment, whatever that may be. I recommend this
bc mostly people do not understand and actually give back negative feedback, which,
in turn only feeds your own fears. Whereas if you come to your own conclusions and
decisions, feeling secure about those choices is important and learning to rely on one's
self is critical I think to self respect and self approval.
Finding security in one's own heart is an incredibly gift, and I believe, an incredibly
powerful part of any treatment. Because much of what happens in chronic illness is
that one's self respect and security is shattered. So, how does this get rebuilt? Well,
in part by getting better slowly and seeing that that is possible-that you can lead
a healthy balanced life once again. But, as important, is that seeing that you are
someone with the power to reason out a problem, come to a solution, and execute
that decision and see it through. This takes a tremendous amount of discipline, and tenacity,
that once achieved give you back a sense of power that serves to feed your self
esteem without which you cannot thrive emotionally, and perhaps physically.
So, I am not suggesting to bottle up your feelings and not share with a trusted
friend or loved one. But, choose carefully with whom you share your heart. Make
sure that they hold your feelings as if holding a precious piece of crystal in the palm
of their hand and truly understand how easily that will break if they drop it. And, don't
make IC your life. You are not IC! Do not wear it as a diagnosis or label that you must
announce when you come through a door. Hold your head up high as if you hadn't a care
in the world. Because the energy you put out is energy that will come back to you. Be
your strength!
Comments
i seem to be really
i seem to be really struggling with this right now. ive been feeling very lonely. i always relied on others to help me get through things. now ive had to learn to help myself get through this, im the only one who knows whats best. ive learned i can only trust myself to do whats best for my body. its been very hard to even try a little to explain whats going on to my loved ones. theres been times ive pushed them away b/c of the negativity, but i know its just b/c they dont understand.i hate to keep it all to myself, but it seems to be the best thing to do for everyone around me.i just hope through this process i will learn to have more peace and faith within myself that i never had before.ive always been a very weak person, i hope i will come out of this strong.
Torey
Torey, you have only just begun, so you are at the hardest point. And, you are so young.This is also the challenge. SOmeone your age should not have to be dealing with so much.It feels quite unfair. But, bottom line is that these tough lessons in life do make you stronger whether you want to be or not. And, if you go through them well you will be a better person for the lessons learned which will help you for other tough situations in the future. turning negativesinto positives can change your experience of a situation and learning to rely on yourself can be liberating as opposed to lonely once you get good at it!
inner strength
Matia, what you say is so true. Going through the healing process really does rebuild your inner strength. I learned early on to keep quiet about my condition and treatment. I find that a lot of people actually feel threatened by the choices I have made as it causes them to question all of the choices they make in their own lives. I'm not the sort to pass judgment on others or to lecture people about the evils of their choices - who am I to say what is right for someone else? I can't tell you how often people try to get me to eat just a bite of cake or have a little sip of wine, how much could it hurt they ask? I just politely decline. I no longer feel the need to defend my choices or get angry with them. Yes in the eyes of society my choices seem odd, but in my heart I know that what I am doing is absolutely the right choice for me. Carol
CArol
Carol, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have watched you go through so much over our work together, and I admire the way in which you have gone through things. And, look howmuch you are changing the life of your children through everything you have learned.That is a true and priceless gift!
support
Fortunately, friends and family have not judged or criticized my treatment choices. I have had family members make some really careless remarks concerning the validity of ic. They compare it to other conditions, or to what they were able to do or accomplish activity wise at my age. wow. that has been hard. But there have been a precious few who see-- somehow they see how much strength it has taken to get up in the morning, to keep going, to keep involving myself in things and giving out even when I don't feel the greatest. And they tell me I am a strong person. I once had a friend compliment me before a group of people on how I've battled so much physically yet I keep getting up again and again and pushing forward in life. The whole room burst into spontaneous applause, I was shocked. I didn't think anyone saw, b/c like so many ic sufferers I've learned to keep a lot to myself. So I guess I can choose to focus on those instances instead of some of the hurtful judgements that have been made against me over the years. I once heard an elderly blind lady say to relatives who didn't understand her health issues: I understand that you don't understand.
I have also learned (and this has been easier as I've felt better) that there is more to me than ic. I try to make my condition one of the last things people find out about me, which isn't easy when they see my weird food, lol! I want them to get to know the rest of me b/c I got sick of my social interactions being limited to: and how are you feeling today? IC is no longer the first or foremost thing people know about me, and it has made my friendships better. I have learned to be a contributor--to be happy for others who have experienced greater health, can have children, work full time etc. I listen to them, support them, hurt and rejoice with them, instead of resenting everyone, thinking no one cares about me, and feeling sorry for myself. This has not been an easy process but a very liberating one. It has returned purpose to my life to function this way in relationships.
Otherwise, on another level, I do still walk a lonely road. I'm not going to call up my friends and tell them I'm scared and in tears b/c of bowel, bladder or sexual issues. There is a secret source of joy and strength for me, but I know this isn't a board about beliefs so I don't want to promote a "religion."
In any case, great topic, thanks for letting me ramble
icnot4me
spiritual discussion
icnot4me, you could post any 'religious' discussion on the spiritual discussion forum. I'm sure many people would be interested.
True friends
I had just read this post after telling my best freind of twenty years about the severity of my condition. We have knwon each other since Junior High. We went to college together, got married within a month of each other, and have had our children only months apart. Today, she called me up and said that her family was going to arrive tommorw to spend the weekend with us (She lives five hours away). Although she may never understand the pain of IC, I am so thankful that Dawn is so supportive and cares. Never underestimate the healing power of friendship. At the same time, Dr. Brizman is right. I have shared this aspect of my health with only my closest freinds and family members. They must truly love and support you to be let into the feelings your heart. I just remind myself that there are different levels of relationships. Not every one has great depths of spirit. My greatest support has come from the Healer within (FMI see spiritual section LOL)