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Things I am not good at: having pain without judging it; assessing my condition when I have been sleeping poorly. I injured my knee going back to what I thought was very gentle stretching. Boy, am I going to have to be careful. Also, I am nto sleeping well because I am so wigged out about my knees. Dr. B seems very confident that she knows how to get me well and my bladder is certainly much better and I should note to myself that my sinueses under her care now seem to be handling the pollen season which is huge. So tired today, guys and just want to say, I hope this is a journey to health. It has to be right? The last 6 months ahve challenged me to the depths of my soul. But i have to keep on going. I deserve health and I have worked hard to get here. OK, writing this is making me agitated and the goal is to calm down and get sleepy so I am going to stop now.
:( Keep on keeping on Bonnie!
:( Keep on keeping on Bonnie! You have worked very hard, and yes this will turn around! Sending happy thoughts and a hug your way!
Bonnie I love you,
Bonnie I love you,
I chuckled when I read what you're "not good at". It's funny when we are feeling a little more sensitive for whatever reason (lack of sleep, hormones etc.) and we start noticing the effects those changes have on the way we handle our illness.
Something I really like to do is cherish those moments where I'm totally freaking out or being down on myself and that sudden moment of realization when I'm like... wait a sec... could this be my period coming on? Or... hmm... I wonder if this is at all related to the fact that I didn't sleep well last night, or the night before, or the one before that? It reminds me that even though I am an adult, my brain still acts very childish sometimes, and since my brain is acting like a child, it's so soothing to respond to those negative habits with the same gentleness I would a child who just doesn't know any better.
I kind of mentally hold my hand or give myself a hug, roll my eyes, and giggle at how ridiculous what I just did or said was. I'm reading a book called The Wise Heart right now, and one analogy I really love is when he compares learning to meditate and re-training the brain to training a puppy.
When we start to become conscious of our thoughts we can be really hard on ourselves, which is totally unfair because our brains are the way they are for a reason, and they have been carefully constructed to function as they do for years and years, so rewiring them to think positively or to manage stress etc, is very very difficult and requires a lot of discipline and time.
He says to think of your brain in that situation as a puppy, and respond to it with the same humor and tenderness and loving kindness that you would that adorable, drooling little dog that you are so happy is a new addition to your home. HA!
We are so silly. We are all working with someone who is wonderful, who we truly believe in, and who has helped so many people with the same problems feel better and we still find ways to worry. We are so human, and it's so so beautiful.
Like cprince said, "keep on keeping on" you are on your way and you are doing beautifully! My goodness, you have come SO far already... you deserve an award!
So much love and tender thoughts for you. You are so immensely strong and courageous I wish I could give you an enormous hug.
Hannah
I should have spell checked
I should have spell checked that message. I used way too many commas... that is actually a childhood grammatical habit of mine so I guess it's appropriate considering the post!
Bonnie- this may sound
Bonnie- this may sound sarcastic and I don't mean it to: Have you tried NOT stretching or exercising?
I know it is hard, believe me, but just to put it in perspective for you- Once i realized exercise/dancing was bugging my neck big time, I took a YEAR break. Since then I have been adding it in a little bit here and there with mixed results. Now, I am lucky (haha haven't said that for a while) in that I can walk- although often pushing the stroller makes me worse so I don't get that many chances to really walk plus often not feeling well enough anyway. I went through a nasty injury in my early 2o's that left me on crutches on and off for over a year so I have been through this in a way before. Back then,I remember a dance teacher of mine telling me that Martha Graham used to go through all her choreography with her hands at one point when she was recovering from major knee injury.
I think you have a lot of good evidence that Matia is telling you the truth. So now I guess the challenge is accepting this temporary state. THAT ,I know. is unbelieveably challenging! (((HUG)))
Pain is a huge motivator!!!!
Pain is a huge motivator!!!! You will come out the other side & be able to tell all of us how your living your life fully & completely. & with all of our thoughts, prayers & good energy there is no way it won,t happen. Stay positive!!! Your almost there:)))
Amy