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Well, yesterday my knees felt pretty good and I managed to cobble together a pretty good day. To celebrate, I did 20 minutes of yoga and then we went out for dinner at a French restaurant. And guess what, restaurant food is disgusting and a ripoff. I am grateful to IC because I know that the best food is that which we make at home.
this is sort of a downer post. The yoga hurt my knees- starting when I woke up th am- and then I get very disregulated and can't function too well at work etc. I can't really decide between letting myself do more stuff so as to feel better about my life versus my inability to handle the pain.
Oh to know that I could just get a little bit better. I keep asking the universe what I need to do to prove that I am worthy.
Totally agree about
Totally agree about restaurant food! By the time I go through my list of all my restrictions and sending my food back at least once, I often wonder what they did to my food because of all the extra work that goes into meeting my specifications! When my food finally arrives I'm left with nothing more than a hamburger patty and some lettuce. That sure takes the excitement out of eating out, and I paid how much for that?! Glad you had a little better day!
I'm glad to hear that your
I'm glad to hear that your knees did feel a little better. I completely agree with you about restaurant food being disgusting and a complete ripoff. I just go so that I can give myself a break from the kitchen. This may sound wierd but doing the social thing of going to a restaurant and picking up a menu eventhough I know I can't eat 99%of what's on it, makes me feel normal.
You will get better and you are worthy!
Bonnie,
Bonnie,
I wanted to address that last line also along with szarp. I've had those same thoughts. I want to somehow control what is happening to me, so I think to myself, what can I do to make this thing get better faster? Obviously there are things we can do to make it easier for our bodies to heal, and things we can do to make it harder. Plus we have things we need to do and we are trying to balance our responsibilities with our needs. It's a tough place to be!
But it's not a matter of being worthy or unworthy. I have struggled with this a lot, and the reason I struggled with it was because one of my parents was/is so critical of me and everyone in general and I had a co-dependent relationship with my parent. But I have grieved that and let it go. It was hard work to get to this place because of the emotional pain I had to experience and grieve in order to let go. But it was so worth it! Now I'm good with being who I am and where I'm at no matter what my limitations are and no matter what my parent says or does. I still get sad and angry sometimes that I'm not "all better" yet, but my self-worth is intact.
Thanks for letting me express this, ladies. It's actually good for me to see how far I've come in this area! And Bonnie (and others), I hope it helps you and gives you hope. Let this pain work in your favor. Do some emotional work if you need to. As so many others before us, we can conquer this thing and come out of it physically and emotionally (and spiritually) better than we were.
Love to all,
Lisa Ann- I just love you and
Lisa Ann- I just love you and what you write. Your children are lucky to have such a wonderful mom.
Lisa Ann, thank you for
Lisa Ann, thank you for writing that!!
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
Thanks, Deidre! You made my
Thanks, Deidre! You made my day today :)
Hey Bonnie!
Hey Bonnie!
Baby steps. I think what's difficult about this process is that when we start to feel a little better, or a lot better, we want to jump right back into old habits, like sports, diet etc.
Could you do a gentle standing practice like Tai Chi or Qi Gong? THese are just as meditative and cleansing and less painful on the knees. I had a GREAT Qi Gong instructor at my meditation retreat two years, his name is Teja Bell and I know he has dvds that he sells online for VERY gentle practices. It changed my life.
I wanted to start with that, because I think you'll find it's a great alternative but I also wanted to add I think it's so important that we keep in mind that all of this pain and illness is temporary. It's hard to do that because for many of us, myself included, the pain has defined our lives for years now... but it sounds very obvious that you are on your way to healing completely, and now its just a matter of being patient.
When it feels like the pain will never go away, and like I'll be sick forever, I say, well oh hell, I'm going to eat sugar today (my trigger). I figure, I'm suffering anyway. But now that I realize that I could get better if I just hold off for a little longer, I try to be patient when I feel that urge or depression because I can't have or do what I want NOW... so yoga for you, swimming and sugar for me :)
I tell myself, ok, well I'm not as active as I'd like to be now. I wish I were able to do more physical activities and feel strong and capable like a young person "should"... and I will do those activities and I will feel this way... but now is not the time, and today is not the day. But the day is coming, so I can wait. Then I practice waiting. The more I practice patience and waiting the easier it gets.
When the time is right you'll know it. Seems to me those knees need a good rest, and some tenderness! Take care of them :)
Hannah