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hi everyone. I am about to start treatment in five weeks, having a really bad day and feeling down about everything. I have just started dating a really fantastic guy , ive told him everything about the treatement, cant have sex etc etc -this was a really really hard thing to tell someone new.he was so lovely and really understanding and intends to stick with me but im not sure about putting a new realtionship through this treatment. is there any point? I mean, sex is imortant in new relationships (and although not the be all and end all)and its something im just not capable of right now. So what i was wondering is, who has had problems with sex and has any of these problems been resolved or are starting to be resolved with the treatment? and i know everyone is different but in what time frame? desperate for some good news right now.
Who said that you cannot have
Who said that you cannot have sex?
Each person is individual.
Each person is individual. Each of us has to see what works for us. I was still on elmiron when I started treatment and I felt that sex was important. (Esp given all the other changes the protocl required in my household.) I went off elmiron after the first couple fo weeks and my sx got worse but by then I had already committed to sex.
The worst time was in July- after 5 months of treatment. My vagina felt shredded inside but it lasted only half a day. It was a big sign to me, after 8 months in treatment when sex stopped hurting.
I certainly wasn't having food pleasure int eh first few months so it was nice to be able to have sex.
I would have felt differently, of course, if I had huge pain flares or days of suffering.
If you have an understanding partner, find out what his bona fides are. You find out a lot about someone's character during the hard times. and it is good to see that.
Best of luck!!!
Ahh sorry that wasn't clear-
Ahh sorry that wasn't clear- I meant I myself can't have sex because I flare up so badly afterwards. That's why I'm wondering if anyone else has the same problem and is it getting better?
Why bother asking yourself
Why bother asking yourself whether to put a relationship through this? If he makes the decision to be with you, that's on him. He's making that choice and making it freely and gladly. So let him if he wants to. Sex isn't everything, and if you can have a relationship without sex in the beginning and it works, then you know what you have is for real.
Love is not sex. I used to flare after sex, but then fixed some things and there would be periods where I was absolutely fine with sex. I think it's just important to figure out why your flaring and address it. Is it the acidity of semen, chemicals on condom, vaginal dryness etc...
Han
I went through the same type
I went through the same type of thing a year ago when my IC was really getting a lot worse and I was dating. I dated a few guys but every time they would try to get close to me I'd break things off because I was afraid to have sex because of the pain I felt afterwards. I stopped dating for a while but when I found my now boyfriend I felt comfortable enough with him to tell him about my fears and pain. Things were hard in the beginning because sex is such a big part of a relationship, an I think when we couldn't have sex it was even harder for me than him. I learnt though that most of the pain I got afterwards was more muscle related than bladder .. I was clenching my muscles so tightly during because I was protecting my bladder. I learnt to relax and then I found sex was often fine (although obviously I avoid it when I'm having a lot of bladder irritation). Now as someone kind of said above, since starting diet a few months ago sex is like a replacement for sweet foods lol. I think just the fact that you felt you could be open and honest with this new guy is a good sign for a positive relationship. Don't feel pressure .. just take things slowly and keep intimacy alive in other ways for now if you really don't feel able to have intercourse.
Oh also ..condoms used to
Oh also ..condoms used to irritate me too ... I've been much better not using any
I say go for it girl! Just
I say go for it girl! Just see what happens. The worst that could happen is that it doesn't work because he isn't genuine... I feel like actually having this illness in a relationship is such a great way to weed out the ingenuine guys who it wouldnt'work with anyway... if they can't be there when times are tough then you don't want them around.
Good luck :)
HAnnah
Megan, I think your advice
Megan, I think your advice about relaxing and being honest is great!
A tiny word of caution about the condom thing. Dr. Brizman advised me personally to use condoms every time I have sex with my husband, and wash well before and after. Oral sex also need to be careful...This is because she is not sure that he does not have some fungal issues himself. He has some symptoms of having excess yeast, and some of the lifestyle risk factors. When you are back in balance and healthy, unprotected sex with a "safe" parter should be fine. But I believe that in treatment she advises many to use condoms. I don't know if this is a rule across the board with every patient. She has also blogged about this so you can search it on the site.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
Thanks for the heads up Mimi
Thanks for the heads up Mimi ... I saw dr B for the first time last week, I mentioned to her I used withdrawl method and she said that's fine. But yea I know we need to be careful not to get any semen in us while healing .. and my partner definitely has his share of imbalances!
Also M., don't want to take
Also M., don't want to take over Ella's thread, but I do know a few friends that used withdrawal method and now have oops babies (there is a lot of sperm in "pre" ejaculate). Just FYI ;)
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
Boy, do I sound like a
Boy, do I sound like a worried mom. Sorry Megan! And I have two young girls at home. God help me.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
thanks everyone for your
thanks everyone for your replies it has really reassured me. I might sound a bit silly asking if there is any point in pursuing a relationship, but what i really meant was that im a bit scared of being hurt and going through an IC related break up all over again ( my last relationship broke down when i became ill) I cant get too carried away with this new partnership because my thoughts are always tempered by freaking out about what will happen in one, two, six months time during treatment. This anxiety is the pits, never lets me be totally in the moment with life anymore. But there is also light at the end of a long tunnel.(and hopefully someone to hold my hand :) )
Second Deir. Three kids, no
Second Deir. Three kids, no unplanned pregnancies. Together 13 years. I asked Matia, and she said it was fine as long as you don't absorb his stuff because he may have his own bacteria, etc. that you're sensitive to.