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I had been doing so so well, never cheating until this past weekend. I used food, a few bites of here and there, to deal with the loss of our German Shepard, Boscoe, who passed away two weeks ago tomorrrow. I regressed and this has caused such a downfall effect all week - from bladder burning/intestinal burning, fybromylgia, to getting up to void 5 times last night and frequency all day long with little to no voiding.. I am so bummed out as i thought i was doing so well and past this after 18 months. The bladder burning remains and its depressing. its not like I ate sugar! ugh. I wish I could take those few bites back. So not worth it,
I am guilt ridden for the decision we made to put him down, he was ill for 4 months and his end was near but we felt that we couldnt see him in extreme pain anymore. His cancer progressed, his spine curved, his hips worsened, my poor dog cried in the middle of the night the last week of his life. It was heart breaking because he had been there for me when I was in alot of pain the past two years, I had been there for him when he had two surgeries and helped nurse him back. We bonded when I never wanted a dog in the first place. I lost not just my dog, but our best friend, our protector when my husband works late at night. My heart is broken for the first time in my life. The pain is too deep to bear. He was the true to his breed, ultra protective and extremely loyal, always gentlle with our little boy. I feel completely lost without him. This has made my depression spiral down completely when I had been moving upwards. I cant seem to snap out of it. Its been two weeks of constant crying and depression. I picked up his ashes in a beautiful cedar box last night. The woman at the vet's asked me how our other dog, a yellow lab named Tommy, was holding up as he hadnt been eating nor drinking. He misses his brother Boscoe. I broke down and walked out with my boys remains.
I know this isnt IC related but my IC is being impacted. How does one deal with emotional sadness and pain, let alone with IC and the physical pain it brings with living with such a horrible disease? I started seeing a therapist about a month back to get rid of my emotional crap that I carry in the hopes that this too will help me heal with my IC. I'm hopeful it will. I'm hopefull one day soon my little family can move on from grieving, looking for our Boscoe around the house to only fond and happy memories. I keep his collar next to my bed. I wish I never made that fateful decision for only out of pure selfishness to have him just a little longer. To tell him how much he meant to us.
Sorry, I'm rambling at this point. Its been a rough two weeks and pray this heavy load starts to lighten soon, especially with my bladder pain,
Hi Tommygurl, I don't have
Hi Tommygurl, I don't have any great words of advice but I wanted to write because I really felt your post. I've had to put a pet down and I know how hard it is and all the doubts and questioning that you go through. I also don't know what I'd do if something happened to my other cat that I've had for 9 years ... I am so home-bound at times with this illness and limited diet that she truly is my greatest companion sometimes and keeps my spirits up. My boyfriend works until late at night too and many nights its just me and her. It's sounds like you made the right decision with your pet though - watching an animal suffer is horrible and you did the best you could. My number one trigger for a bladder flare is emotional pain and conflict (especially in my relationships) and I wonder too how not to let it affect me so much. Don't beat yourself up about making a few mistakes with the diet though - I'm sure the emotional trauma of losing your dog has had more of an influence than the food. Be patient with yoursef while you are going through this hard time .. and maybe try not to resist the bladder symptoms, as that often makes it worse. If you had been doing so well before all this than I'm sure you will get back to feeling well again quickly. Anyways, my heart goes out to you, and I'm glad your dog is no longer in pain. Take care of yourself.
Megan
Oh dear- I am so sorry. I
Oh dear- I am so sorry. I only have a minute but someone told me somehting the other day that really helped me and maybe it will you too.
I had felt like I was doing so well emotionally and spiritually, like I had made huge gains in my ability to cope with this but the past month has been so tough inmany ways. She said that recovery (in this case it was Al anon- but really it could be any type of spiriitual or emotional or even this treatment ) you often revisit the same issues and you feel like you are going backwards but it is more like a spiral staircase so although you are "seeing" the same thing - you are coming at it from a different perspective. I don't know if that makes any sense because I am in a rush!!! But I really feel when you are open hearted and making great strides towards growth- you aren't really going backwards, you are just revisiting so you can peel back another layer or move on to the next.
DOn't rush yourself- it is real grief to lose a beloved dog. (((hug)))
Adriane,
Adriane,
I'm so sorry about your dog... I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet. As for your bladder, I really doubt it is flaring from a few bites of food. I think the stress of having to put your dog down and the grief that followed has a lot more to do with it. I hope you are feeling better soon, your in my thoughts!
Hi Adriane
Hi Adriane
I am SO sorry!!!!! (Agree with Christine, doubt it was the food, unless you ate a VAT of soy sauce LOL!?-what did you eat, BTW?)
We had to put our beloved dog of 15 years down 3 years ago. Now I am tearing up as I type this. It is just HORRIBLE. And we were lucky to have the vet come to our house so he could be in our arms, eating treats in the sunny backyard when he passed. It is such a big loss. In our area there is even an animal loss support group, and there are lots of books on the subject so maybe you might pick one up. The stages of greif are exactly the same as for a human. EXACTLY. Please be easy on youself. I felt a bit better after a few months, every week was a bit better. But for the first two years, and really up until this moment I still miss him. We are adopting a new puppy in a few weeks. AFter 3 years, (with IC in the middle) I am finally ready and excited.
I am glad you have your other dog to be of some help to you during this time, but I know nothing can replace Boscoe. I am very sorry. This absolutely will pass. I made a shrine in one place so it was not in my face all of the time but I could go look at it. Put collar and some other reminders there so I could go visit. That stayed up for 6 months until we moved out of that house. Do what you need to to grieve. The bladder stuff will pass. You are much stronger physically. You have done the hard work of healing. Keep it up.
Big (((Hugs))))
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
I wanted to also say do NOT
I wanted to also say do NOT beat yourself up about putting him down. During hospice, dogs are very stoic and endure a lot of pain that they can't tell us about. You absolutely did the right thing. Even tho you wanted more time with him, you helped him out of pain. You must let that go.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
Hi Adriane,
Hi Adriane,
I too feel your pain so close to heart, with the memories of our beloved akita we had to put to sleep about a yr ago. She was 14 and was in so much pain, not able to to get up and sit, barely eating and crying for the first time. She was a strong, playful, sweet and very loyal dog so tender with us and kids. She was actually my husbands dog when we met, so minus the attachment as a puppy, i still feel guilt seeing her eyes clise for one last time. I am still tearing as i write this and by no means i mean to bring memories back, i know hard stressful it must be for you. They are just as important to us as family, so thevstress you are going through right now is real grief and i have no doubt thats causing your symptoms and not the small bites you ghad here and there. I agree with Mimi, these dogs are strong and enduring and when they start showing pain, which is way more than the level of human pain, it'd be selfish to see them suffer a quality of life. There are days i still tear up and feel like something stucjpk in my throat how i wish i could walk hervone more time and cook for her. The only and best thing for me was to put her pictures all around when i could handle, and do something nice to other living dogs in her remembarance to help ease the pain. Please hang in there and know that as hard as it was, you made the toughest but right thing. I only wish they could live longer and be with us till the end. Kisses and hugs your way. Hope tommy can help you cope with this.
Thank you to all who replied,
Thank you to all who replied, its means alot. My flare has finally gone down, Thank Goodness. I'm not sure if it was emotional stress that past 2 weeks or a combo of that and what I tried... I had a few ritz crackers, I made a italian dish for our son which had ricotta cheese (took a bite of that), perhaps the EVOO drizzled on the salad which my husband asked me to try or a bite of a peach. It all happened on the same day, last Sunday so I was in for a doozy. But finally, I feel better physically. Dr B had me take out the goldenseal which tends to help for a few days, however, I dont ever last long w/o it. My body so needs this goldenseal from previous flares that I'm sure by tomorrow I will be asking her to bring it back. Emotionally, I take it a hour at a time, being alone at home can be hard or at night when our boy used to be by my side. But set up a nice spot on the console table with his urn, a orchid plant, his paw print and a picture. I hope with time it will lesson the pain of our loss.