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Hi everyone,
Ever since I started the treatment so many times I felt like I am drunk, lots of brain fog, etc.. but since 1 month or so(but esp since 2 weeks after Matia increased Bifido from 3X1 to 3X2), I really feel like I am always tipsy. Its not dizziness. I talk and I can't believe its me talking that way and I judge myself. Its like, when one drinks a lot and gets drunk, they generally get more comfortable and and talk closely to others or act without controlling themselves more. Later on when they are awake they notice what they did, oops...So lately, I talk to some people and tell them sth and couple of hours later I can't believe that it was me saying that. Its like I was in another world; acting in a manner without controlling myself and couple of hours later I am in the real one (well I dont know which one is really real though). So, I dont say nothing rude but just feeling more comfortable when I speak. Its like I dont find it necessary to keep the truth (or anything silly) in me without thinking if I should tell it to this person or not. Well, may be this is how it is supposed to be and I was controlling myself very much before, or shy or not confident at myself.. anyways, I would be really happy to get some feedback.
Also, my heart aches a lot of the time and I am sad very often and I cry a lot ( sth I was not able to do before). And I am in love with plants and trees and I could even sleep hugging a tree. -_- ..I see a different me every second, this also feels like drunkness and this huge beautiful change scares me sometimes. Is there anyone who had the same/similar things? Oh my..Now I wonder, when I come back to the blog today or tomorrow, if I will find it weird to see that I wrote this topic..Yeah, thats my problem
Peace
Feeling Drunk
When ever she increases my Bifido I get that drunk feeling, I quite enjoy it actually.
I believe it is increased die off because of the dose increase.
Selda: I actually get this
Selda: I actually get this feeling all the time! Sometimes when I am talking to people, I almost feel myself float above the conversation, and as I am talking, there is a voice inside me going "Who is this person talking right now?" or "Why are you saying that?" and I say things I wouldnt normally say. It doesn't even feel like it is me talking. I know, it sounds so strange. Other times, I get what I describe as a crazy body high. My limbs feel so good and light...it is like being on drugs without having taken anything (except for the protocol!)
And having a sad heart and crying all the time....I definitely know what you are talking about. Some days I am so weepy commercials make me cry. Towards the beginning of treatment (I am now 1 year, 4 months in) I also had some really intense anger that would flare...a serious jekyl/hyde kind of thing. For days I would be madly in love with my boyfriend, and then all of a sudden I would snap and constantly think about breaking up with him, until a few days later when I would be lovey dovey again. Talk about confusing! I posted about it when it was happening, and it seemed like others experienced something similar.
I am a person who stuffed all of my feelings inside, so the way I have come to try and understand what is going on is that like the physical component of this treatment (where the bad stuff that our bodies have tucked away for so long needs to be detoxed out), the bad emotional stuff our hearts and minds tucked away also needs to come out. For a few months, I would have the strangest memories pop up, things I had not thought about in years and years that were particularly painful or embarassing or shameful...and after I remembered it, it was like it floated away...and didn't really have control over me anymore. It is really tough to put in to words...but I just wanted you to know that you aren't as crazy as you feel! At least one person also experiences something similar.
Just a consideration
Just a consideration... Is it the worst thing in the world to speak honestly to others? (unless of course you're causing harm to them/you) ... to have periods of sadness/crying? to be in love with plants/trees? And further, is it actually possibly a good thing? I totally understand such a huge and sudden change being scary, I'm just inviting you to consider whether this actually might not be so awful. In our culture we're taught to rigidly control ourselves - words and emotions - at the expense of our own well-being. We learn that being in love with money or sex is normal but the natural world?, you're a wacko. They tell you that's crazy, but the reverse is probably closer to the Truth. What's more, you might be getting the opportunity to get in touch with buried emotions that need to be looked at... to connect more deeply with the natural world or perhaps something in you is being drawn to it for an important reason. Just a thought.
IC Hope
It's so good to see you around - Things that you wrote the other day, about having to use conventional anti-anxiety meds, gave me the strength to do what I truly feel was my only option left.
I had given up on my conventional anti-anxiety meds - busparine and one that I do agree is a scarey one - zaanax. However, last weekend, miles away from home, I was so terrified by my emotions, wanting to check myself in somewhere, that I reached for the highly addictive and calming zaanax. I took a half a dose of that for three nights, getting my abandoned busparine back into my system, (Busparine being something that Dr. B told me didn't worry her too much) and was able to disontinue the addicting zaanax last night. Of course I didn't get any sleep, but I am fairly sane again today. Despite the fact that the herbs have helped a bit - I think it's become quite apparent, we're talking 7 months of barely hanging on by a thread, that I am going to have to take something else. Now, I just have to tell her about it......
Anyway, thank you for helping me realize that I wasn't sitting alone in the boat.
I'm so happy that what I
I'm so happy that what I shared gave you the courage/insight to do whatever was best for your body and spirit, and I truly hope it's the right path for you and helps you cope, BUT I do strongly encourage you to work with Matia, under her direct guidance as far as which meds and dosing and everything and ask quetions so you're very clear b/c this may affect your future health/treatment/gut....if I hadn't done it under her very specific guidance it may not have been so good for me... i.e. the doc wanted me to start at 10mg, saying no problem it's the very lowest dose available which is true, but she suggested 5mg (so cutting them in half), and had I not barraged her with questions I wouldn't have learned that this lowest dose (if it does enough for you) is vastly better than the 10mg in terms of tolerance, withdrawal symptoms when getting off, and gut effects. Also I've learned from her that dif meds differ greatly in gut effects long-term -- and remember that's what she's working on -- as well as important side effect issues like constipation.
And if she is telling you "no way," I know people have varying feeligns on this, and I'm all for the natural way, but just with my personal experience in this specific instance, my heart truly knew I couldn't handle things anymore, couldn't function, that it was do-or-die time literally. So I suggest being very honest and direct. I know I have a hard time with this, communicating my feelings or minimizing so someone doesn't think I'm crazy. I also think she might be so used to hearing people in such physical/mental pain saying things like 'I can't take it' that it may lose its effect, plus she (understandably) tries hard to keep you hanging in w/o meds as long as possible so you can hopefully turn the corner and then won't need them. So if necessary, you may have to be even clearer, saying something like, "I truly cannot function at all" or "I'm at my limit of what I can handle, I need some intervention to stick in this game."
IC Hope
You are exactly right - I will let her know what I did and try to keep the other drug to a minimal. I think she was trying to get me to hang in there - that I would turn the corner - but it was do or die. Like you said, my heart knew that I couldn't do this anymore. I too have often avoided "communicating my feeling or minimizing so someone doesn't think that I'm crazy." It is so incredibly hard balancing often needed western medicine with this incredible program. I am grateful that I switched my primary care doctor. Unlike the prior one that told me that I was wasting my money, this one is willing to work with me. He actually doesn't get that glazed over blank condenscending stare. It's a huge relief.
Thanks Lady,
Thanks everyone for the feedback.
Yes I do believe something is going on with Bifido. I had asthma when I was a kid and these last two weeks (when Dr. B. increased Bifido) I kind of had similar breathing symptoms and ridiculous amount of mucous coming (and in the beginning with some blood which was scary). So I might take this drunkenness feeling as part of the detox. Murphy325, I could not agree with you more. I say things I would not normally say or people I do care make me nervous with no reason today, and the following day I am OK with them. Or ppl I used to get nervous in the past irritates me now with no reason. Its like my anger is showing itself now for those times I haven't spoken. This is OK but why do I care about it later. Its like a wave constantly which confuses me. Also, the strangest memories you say!!!! I was surprised when you said that because I kind of travel back in time to the moments I haven't remembered for a loooong time. They just show up -even sometimes in my dreams. IC-Hope, thanks for the thought. I definitely agree with you that we (well, most of us I suppose) all have been taught to restrict/ control our feelings and right now I am only learning that I shall/can feel my emotions rather than escaping from them. My emotions were stuck in my body so long and now they are taking a revenge; trying to go out of my chest--either anxiety attacks or asthma or whatever other stuff I have been going through. And yes, I agree again, being in love with nature is one of the most beautiful things ever, feeling that I am are part of it and connected to it is just so good. However, I feel like I could not express myself clearly. I did not think I was crazy by being in love with nature or having an aching heart or sadness (I do like sad things indeed, and when my hearts aches I can feel myself better--kind of intoxicating for me) and I dont think such a change/transition is awful. It is just scary for someone who hasn't FELT (I did have them but I did not feel/know them) what it means to have so many feelings. My telling being in different world was about "talking in way that I would not talk before" or, "not remembering what/how I said later on - as if I was drunk", or "not being able to control myself" (yes in this case, I would say its good not to control myself when I am being honest, and open but I do feel it differently 3 hours later--it is as if I am awake and find it surprising that it was me who said that. It is really a different feeling, I don't know how to explain it. Like I dream and wake up. I don't know my English may not be even enough to explain it further ). My point is I have very sharp peaks in such a quick time. One hour, I am so sad that I can't breathe, and the next hour, I am in love with nature, the next hour I don't want to see anyone. The next hour I wanna talk about plants, etc...I am kind of floating. Also, that "sadness/nature love" part was an extra information as I wondered if others on the treatment were having those kind of changes in such a quick time. Since 1 month I feel it so deeply---as if I am using a different part of my brain I did not know if it existed before-- and this quick change itself is weird --sth I haven't known at myself before and not really sure if its due to the treatment itself or sth else. and I was curious if others were feeling the same way--or having the same kind of transition.