Forums:
Hello, I just found out I am pregnant with my second child today. I'm wondering, does anyone know what Matia's thoughts are about coffee during pregnancy??
Also, if any of you who know Matia's thoughts on the following could you give me any tips?
getting a catheter if by chance they say it is "needed" (You can get out of this correct? I mean they don't HAVE to do this?)
the lubricant the Doctor will want to use (can I just bring my own?)
and any other test that I'm not thinking of that are NOT IC friendly
I hope to have a midwife, and a natural birth. But my insurance does not cover either, as far as a birthing facility that would encourage a natural birth. Please give me any tips about going through pregnancy and birth with IC.
I have been with Matia two years. My IC has gotten better, but I am by no means healed completely or balanced. Thanks.
Congrats! My midwives use
Congrats! My midwives use olive oil.
There was another thread
There was another thread about hiring a doula to be your advocate in a hospital. I love the book- Ina May's guide to Childbirth. They actually sell that at my local Whole foods. Als- maybe look into taking Bradley classes and then your husband can be your advocate. I think if you are having an OB hospital birth it is important to interview them and really get an idea about how many c-sctions and other interventions they do. Ask particualrly about their criteria for inducing labor.
Best of luck.
Thanks Deir
I'm falling apart tonight. I am so scared to have another baby. I want it so bad, but I feel like I am not going to be able to do this. I am so tired, so emotional. I blew up at my daughter tonight, after listening to her whine all day.
My bladder was really hurting at times today, and I felt so scared. Please someone tell me it will be OK and I can do this. I feel like I'm a horrible Mom for feeling so agitated at my daughter.
I need encouragement. I sometimes, in my darkest moments feel like dying would be easier then dealing with myself and this disease.
Oh NO! Of course you are
Oh NO! Of course you are scared! It is so hard to be a mom and have IC- I know! I am always trying to find ways to cope and still be a good mom. I lose my tempr way more than I'd like to. Remember- you are early pg too and that is a crazy time for hormones. I once cursed out a whole cast of a show I was directing when I was 4 weeks pg. I NEVER do anything like that and that was way before IC. I also spanked my kids and actually said "I hate you" when I was 11 weeks pg. Oh that was a lovely day.I think I cried about that for a week.
I've also heard of a lot of people who go into remission while pg and nursing -maybe you'll be lucky like that! If not- you'll get though this just like you've gotten through so far- with good days and bad days. In the end- you'll have another beautiful child and you'll keep getting healthier and healthier. You can do this. I know the feeling of thinking dying would be easier. It isn't really suicidal it 's more like- "How can I do this? REALLY???" I always feel a bit better if not totally better the next day though. If those thought continue for longer - I would think you need to seek help.
You're ok!!! How old is your daughter? My first son was 2 when my second son was born and it was tough because for the first time in his young life I lost my temper with him. I was so appaled at the feelings of rage that I ended up beating myself up mentally about it and it made things so much worse. I still do this especially now woththe increased stress of IC. It is so hard to just accept that I have angry feelings and that's a fact. I want to a "perfect" mom but what I really need to be is "good enough" Try to recognize teh singns that you are being pushed too far and get away from your daughter. I know it is hard but the other night I just went to mom's at 6:30 at night and left my husband to put all 3 to bed. he was fine with it and I HAD to get out before I lost it.
I know it is easier said than done- but try not catastrophise about what MIGHT be - you just don't know. ONce you are through the initial hormonal turbulence of the 1 st few weeks/months- you may just feel fantastick. You might not- but who know? WHy waste energy on it now?
I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers and strength your way. I hope you're feeling a little better right now as I write this. All of us have a hard road but having little kids is a unique stress that makes this journey all the more difficult but also all the more sweet when we emerge from it balanced and strong.
((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))) You'll be ok. You will.
I was developing IC while
I was developing IC while being pregnant. I regret drinking soda and coffee and eating Chinese food during pregnancy. I think one cup a day will be all right, but anything in large quantities would not be healthy.
My advice to you is to put everything out of your mind and only take care of yourself and your baby (emotionally and physically). I was able to be on bedrest in the beginning and toward the end of pregnancy, which helped to improve inter-dependable emotional/physical cycle. Counseling helped too. Most counselors are very sympathetic to pregnant women. I definitely took a daytime nap when I could.
The better you take care of yourself, the healthier the baby will be (hopefully), so you won't have to deal with IC and possible baby health problems. You don't want that.
I also regret doing too many medical tests. Because I was imbalanced, any invasion created serious complications. I was in 1% complication after amnio, and it was not necessary. Evaluate every decision based on your own knowledge, feeling, and understanding. Be firm and speak with confidence.
I hope you don't have to work. I think you should talk with Matia as well.
Congratulations and good luck!
Thanks so much.
I was just struggling so much last night, and felt like I was so guilty and hating who i am. But at the same time hating why I have to deal with this. I see my friends that are perfectly healthy, having babies, and I just am so sad that I have to struggle so much, and be different. I know we all feel this way.
Deir, your words meant so much to me. I feel less alone knowing im not the only one who has blown up. I try to remember that beating myself up, only leads to more feelings of depression, and in the end would hurt those around me more. It's so hard though. I feel SO on edge. I feel like I am going to lose it at any moment.
My child is going to be three. I am trying not to be so scared and let that turn into taking it out on her. I know I am a good mom, even though my brain tells me otherwise all the time. I have to just let her see that I struggle, but I'll get through it, never stop loving her, and hug and hold her a lot. Right? Sometimes I can't help just to cry and tell her mommy is having a hard time, but I tell her God will take care of me.
I need to make an appointment with Matia. I am afraid to tell her, and I don't know what she'll say.
Blondy, your so right on being firm. Last time I had a baby, I was so scared, and had to fight tooth and nail for them not to load her up with formula, sugar water, vaccines. This time I feel like I've been around that block, so can be more firm and not care so much about what anyone thinks. But it still won't be easy.
I appreciate all thoughts and prayers.
Oh honey- I feel for you.
Oh honey- I feel for you. Don't be afraid to tell Matia- life goes on despite IC!!
You are a good mom!
I totally understand the jealousy of other peole thing. I recently canceled a mini trip with my husband and the next day had to llisten to my good friend talk about her upcoming annivertsary trip. I was so depressed after the conversation.
Any time you'd liek to chat about baby, child nursing vaccines health etc- post on teh kids health board and i's love to chat ore email me deirfinnegan@gmail.com.
I'll say a prayer for you today.
Dier's words are indeed a
Dier's words are indeed a comfort and she is so true in what she says.
My daughter has just turned teenager but since having IC I have been so distressed how I cannot be the mum that I want to be, the mum that I have been. The teenage years were those that I was looking forward to sharing with my daughter more than all others and had been resolved of the kind of mum I'd be, the things we would do and IC has stolen these hopes from me and it took a long time to come to terms with it, but as Dier says, be the best mum you can be. One of the things that was important to me was to look good for my daughter, to be someone that her friends thought looked good rather than someone she would be embarrassed by and it so distressed me that for the majority of the time I can't (wearing loose clothes, no make-up, not able to wear contact lenses etc etc). Someone said to me, whose idea of a good mum is it, your daughter's or yours? That made me think, it was me who wanted to be this way and that way, not hers. As long as I can be there for, as Dier said be 'the best that I can be' as I am in any moment then I am being a good mum and that is what I have to keep telling myself. I don't like that I cannot be the mum I want to be and it does make me really angry and upset at times but it has helped.
I too have wished myself dead, but again echoing Dier's words, these are not suicidal thoughts, we have them because living with this disease is a real struggle and we don't want to live this way, it is very hard both physcally and mentally to deal with day after day, we would have to be saints not to feel that way. I have had these thoughts again in the last week but what I really want is some relief. You are human so please don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, for being scared and anxious, you'd have to be superhuman not to be.
Sending you loads of hugs from accross the water (I'm from UK!)
Do speak to Matia and she will not berate you, she will support you through this.
I'm encouraged
I'm encouraged reading your responses. Thank you! I think I need to reach out more, and tell people when I am really struggling. I just need to vent, and often times, I just bury it deeper. It always comes up though!
Lynette, just the fact that you care about your relationship with your daughter is huge. I was always told by my mother that she "is not my friend, but my parent" when I was little, and told her I wanted her to be my best friend. My mom was always looking perfect, skinny and beautiful. But I longed growing up for someone to "take off the makeup" so to speak, and just be herself! To let me in! To be a friend, and someone I could talk to. To tell me it was OK to cry, Ok to be having a hard time, instead of always having to be tough and not a "big baby" if I was upset. So, you CAN be that for your daughter. Even if it is little moments at a time.
I wish you all the best, thank you again for your kind words.
Thank you me. I resolved the
Thank you me.
I resolved the moment I found out I was pregnant that I would tell my child that I loved them atleast once every day and I have and do and will always because it is the truth I love and adore my daughter.
When she was born I looked at her and said that we would be best friends. I cuddle her and stoke her hair even now but she cries and tells me how much she wants her mum back and how jealous she is of her friends who go places and do things with thier mums and she finds it so tough that we don't have that anymore. We've managed to go the cinema a few times in the last 18 months and sometimes shopping but we did so much together in the past, it does hurt me but your words made me realise that perhaps I am still managing to give her more than some have ever received. My heart went out to you when you told me about growing up, how hard that must have been for you.
I do not have a great relationship with my parents and they along with my brother have kept their distance since I got IC. They don't know what to say, don't know how to deal with a daughter/sister that is in pain and cannot function as she did and so they feel it is better to no longer have me in their life. It really hurts that my own family are not supporting me through this but it is again something I have to accept. It is very hard facing this horrible dis-ease alone but I hope that I will come out the other side stronger and a better mum than I ever would have been had it not happened.