I forgot that today wasn't actually my 5 month anniversary, it was yesterday. But i was confused when I got up and I was happy to have arrived at that day. I felt lucky because I had an appt with Dr B and I also decided that I was going to celebrate my anniversary privately today by wearing something nice and being very nice to myself.

At the appointment I got clarification on many things and I wanted to pass an important one on: I was unclear on whether I was improved since the month before and whether I was improving at all. Dr. B said, I know that you are getting better because (at a minimum), you are not getting worse.

At the end of the appt. we discovered that I had my dates wrong and I actually had missed my anniversary. Then an interesting thought popped into my head, "Maybe i should be nice to myself every day."

The last 5 months have been rough and have been good. I have learned a lot about myself: ways that I am stronger than I thought; ways I need to improve myself and lots of things to be grateful for. I never think of Dr. B without an amazing amount of gratitude. Her generosity of time and spirit has encouraged me to be better and more generous in my own life. Also, for newer people, the stuff that she told me would happen came true. My bladder has not healed yet but I am off a multitude of medicines, have much more normal bowel function without magnesium, my allergies have improved, dandruff has gone away, am managing menopause without drugs and so on. To top that off, I am on day 4 pain free and I am seeing how critical it is to be extremely strict with my diet so that I can have these good stretches. So there is a lot of gratitude even though it is so easy to dive down into the fear at the slightest sensation.

The other thing I learned from Dr. B seems so obvious but it really helped to hear it: what we think in our heads about our treatment matters and also that it is very hard for our bodies to handle unhappiness. I know my body feels so much better when it is not under assault from too much stress. My pledge to myself today is to keep working both on the diet and to cultivating kindness to myself.

So many of you have been so generous that I wanted to thank you for being there when I felt desperate. I know I will be writing you again. I salute and thank you.