Forums:
Okay ladies I feel things have taken a turn for the worst. I am not doing well at all. First off Boaz has me on 3 drops sf, 2 gan moa ling, 3 rp, 1/2 siberian, and 1/2 super. For the past week I have literally been going to the bathroom at least every 15 min. My urgency is just as bad if not worse than when I was pregnant. My period has not come this month. It came the last 2 months. My husband and I are using condoms of course as Boaz has advised and we have not had any break or come off but I'm feeling so miserable that I keep thinking what if I'm pregnant again, sounds crazy and my husband thinks I'm being ridiculous but I seriously dont get why it would be this awful. Aside from that I am just getting to a point at which I do not see this treatment to be working. I am not functioning well at all and I'm becoming severly depressed. I have a 5 month old to care for and it is becoming extremely hard, at times almost impossible. She needs me and right now I am not able to be the mother I know I can be. My life revolves around the toilet and my bladder rather than her needs. I just dont know how to keep going like this. I dont understand why I am getting worse and worse without any relief. Is it normal to get worse? Can the herbs I am taking cause me to feel worse? I am just so confused and cannot think straight. I want this to end. please any suggestions appreciated. thanks. Heather
Dear Heather,
Dear Heather,
Have you officiallly tested for an actual UTI?
I am so sorry that you're suffering like this. I think for many patients that it does get worse before getting better. For myself, the bladder problems became controlable rather quickly. Unfortunately the OCD and panic attacks increased ten fold during treatment. I will never know if this would have been the case if I hadn't been seen by Matia. Although, for myself, I have always felt that in the grand scheme - the long term picture - this treatment was where I needed to be. The hard question has always been - what other options did I really have? Because, in all honesty, if there had been a simpler, less long term, less gut wrenching fix, I would have been first in line. That said, I have never regretted being here and remain extremely grateful despite how hard it's been.
Take Care,
Denise
I made a conscious decision a
I made a conscious decision a couple of months ago not to question treatment but to instead put complete faith in it. Also, not to concentrate so highly on being sick and symptoms. This has been a huge turn around for me. It has helped me look at things in a more positive way instead of dwelling on my negatives. It has not been easy to do this especially when in pain but during those times I have tried really hard to just accept that my body is working toward being well and this will not last forever and I will feel wonderful one day. Hazy, if you feel you need a break then talk to Boaz about it. Maybe that is what you need right now. He backed off my cleansing herbs in Dec and I was just on the calming ones. I felt incredible! That helped me to realize that the day WILL come that I will be well but in order to get there I must get through the battle and storm first. These are all meant as words of encouragement and hope. I came very close to giving up and I was encouraged to talk to Boaz instead. I'm so glad I did :) hugs to you.
Okay well its comforting to
Okay well its comforting to know that it is normal for things to get worse before getting better :) its just been so hard since I have a baby, I want to devote my time to her, its not like I can just sit on the toilet all day, if it were just me I think it would be easier to accept this process. Of course I want to heal, I just don't want this process to affect my daughter ;( she deserves so much and I worry I won't be able to give it to her. I have been checked for a uti a few months back and before that quite often, they always come back negative but its so frustrating because I always feel like I have one. Boaz always tells me my symptoms dont sound like infection but I may ask him about it again to be sure.
Deir once told me take it
Deir once told me take it moment by moment. If you have 5 minutes where things are good focus on that. This really has helped me. That may not help you but maybe you can find what does. Look at all you have already accomplished. We all have breaking points though and maybe you are at that point right now. I had horrible anxiety after having my first baby and thought surely it would affect her in an adverse way. She is 33, a wonderful mom to her 6 year, an incredible nurse who has no anxiety :) her husband on the other hand has anxiety. Her experience with me has helped her in dealing with his. The five minutes you are not in the bathroom you are devoting to that baby girl. Focus on that!!! You will get through this!! You will be stronger and so will she because of all this. You can do this!! :)
Hang in there Heather!!! Your
Hang in there Heather!!! Your baby knows you are a loving mom! Keep going for her and you. I remember so many times that I thought my kids were missing out- turns out it is mostly me who feels like I was missing out. They are fine!
I hear your despair and I have been there. Each day is a new day- start over and try to make the best of what you have right now. You are goign through a very difficult process of trying to regain your health and you are doing it in a very time consuming but ultimately rewarding way. No band aids, no suppression of symptoms. be gentle with yourself, don't expect too much right now. Are you holding and feeding your baby and smiling at her and doing your best??? Then you are doing really well as a mom. ((((hug)))))