Nicole, hang in there!!!I've known Matia for a long time, and just take my word for it: this mess that you are going through WILL END! It is probably very hard for you to believe, but IT ABSOLUTELY WILL!I know it is almost impossible right now, but try to count your blessings, there are at least two: your boyfriend and the fact that you've found Matia. There are just very few of us that were lucky enough to find her. Forgive yourself for not going to your Dad's Bday or not going for a walk, or for everything else that you are too weak or sick to do right now. Just cut yourself as much slack as you need and always remeber: you are in great hands and you WILL BE HEALTHY AGAIN before you know it. Happy upcoming Birthday!Natasha.

Nicole,I hear you. I do. Your despair and suffering is felt and acknowledged. Natasha is right- it is okay to let go of the guilt you are feeling for not being enough for not being present in the ways you want to be for your family. I am pretty certain they would want you to concentrate your energies on nourishing your health?  By doing that - you will be insuring a brighter future for all involved.you doing good means they will be doing good! but I understand. I have missed sooo much but in away I have been a huge teacher to alot of people without meaning to be. that's a sacrifice but there is alot more to life than just social gatherings. This is real life stuff. this is facing down sickness and our fears of mortality. this is an afterlife underworld journey.  It is archetypes of universal proportion.    Think of the people who read these posts- many who may be just like us but who have not ever posted. or who aren't even in treatment with Matia but come here maybe because they are are thinking about itor looking for hope. we encourage them and help them- I think.. I was able the other day to inform someone who has very likely a candida problem on ways they can address thier yeast problem. I urged them to seek help from thier local alternative medicine/TCM practioner and helped them connect the dots on some allergies and other problems. It felt good to help educate someone on ways they can take responsibility for thier health. If I had never had to deal with Ic I don't know if I could have had an impact maybe prevent them Ic later on.  Who knows how much we reach others through our own stories and epic adventures/struggles.   I know it is hard to be in the present moment- its great to know the future holds more but it doesn't diminish the struggle we are going through right now. Keep working at this.I try to find ways to improve the quality of my life - to raise my vibration-(my attitude how I see myself and the world) or life condition so that the impact of the intesity affects me less?  does that make sense. look at some folks who are dying of like painful cancers and they are so at peace with themselves and feel like they are unafraid of death or life and therafore they are free. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. this in an of itself is key to my getting better. Somtimes I notice my self defeating behavior as though I don't how to be anything other than sick. somtimes I see myself shooting down possibilites or quick to dismiss things because what if they don't work.  I've been sick so long that I wonder if it has become an identity. who will I be when I get better?  but that is changing. my proof is manefesting now. the present moment is the future. I am well. I am well. I am well. there are infinite possibilites in this moment. i am well. the manefestation of the wellness is latent. I am well now. I call forth in my minds eye great powers that reside deep in the mystery that is my DNA and demand its presence. doctors say Ic is incurable. erase this from your mind. we are impossible beings doing impossibly wonderful things. and if I can't feel it then I 'll beleive it until it arrives on the horizon and it will. even unwellness is not static and subject to change. improving self esteem is kind of a challenge - affirmations go only so far. I have had to go deeper into why I struggle with self esteem. the sources of my anxiety. Look at the past. look at my relationships to my family and any past hurts I buried and tried to forget which have festered. The good news is such things are healable. and in more than one way- but only when we are ready. I wanted to do a post on this but I think I'll just talk about it a little bit here- and that is how much emotions and energy can play a big role in IC. Emotions rise up- some that are just really uncomfortble - it is all apart of the cleansing.-energetically and physically. anxiety- and depression all of that. Some emotional stuff was actually coming up for me and it was affecting my life and causing me alot of pain in my heart. A friend mentioned EFT- emotional freedom technique - I checked with Matia who said it was okay for me to try as long as it didn't feel uncomfotable or cause any physical problems- it hasn't so far. I found a social worker/therapist who teaches and uses EFT and Psych -K therapy in her practice. I did an introductory session with her and plan on doing more in the new year. I found it to be immensly powerful and interesting experience. Supposedly it is good for dealing with anxiety-and helps people overcome things like Post traumatic stress disorder. People report being able to overcome thier phobias of water and big spaces etc etc. Maybe you could check to find a therapist that does EFT and Psyche -K who will come to see you to work on your fears of leaving the home. Check with Matia - I am not sure how it would be harmful but sometimes energy work can release things in a physical way and that can be intense or possibly interfere with treatment but I haven't had that happen and you would just stop and maybe try it a later time. I felt better after my session. I had done Youtube sessions mirroring the sequences for fun just to check it out and liked it but found a therapist session to be much more in depth and tailored to my specific issues which had more benefit and success than just a more overall- broad session online. does that make sense? The yeast and yucky stuff can cloud our minds with depression  and negativity- it is going away. it doesn't seem like it but it is even as you read this. I feel like I just hit another little level of healing. still have a ways to go but something has shifted and I just moved forward another inch. some months have been more productive than others- I know that's true. everyday I need to start focusing on the things I am grateful forand when I do that it begats more positivity and healing in my body. when I concentrate and microanalyze my setbacks or worry that I'm stuck or beat myself up over things that are beyond my conrol then it seems to make me worse.I am always actually in control over my attitude which has a very powerful affect on the state of my health.  I try to acknowledge the truth- okay I am suffering with this pain but it is worth it and the outcome will be phenomenal. I know one day you will be writing from the other side to someone in your boat- actually you do that now. you've been very helpful. Thanks Nicole for always sharing information and encouraging others with a compassion for their situation. I am grateful for all of you and for my life which is getting better and better every day. -Mary 

im having a hard time as well and i havent started treatment with matia yet. i have started the diet and somedays im ok with it and other days i get this intense urge to just eat something normal like everyone else. my favorite thing was to go out to eat with my boyfriend and family all the time and now i cant and it takes me into deep depression. i found out i cant eat gluten(sensitive to it not celiac) and i thought i could at least eat gluten free food, now i believe i have ic also and its even more hard to cope with. i havent been diagnosed with ic, which makes it even harder to stay on the diet b/c i keep thinking i should try some sugar or something to see if it affects me to see if i really have ic. ive alreayd noticed on the diet that im having die off b/c im having all these crazy symptoms that dont seem unrelated but i know they are. i know i need to stay on the diet if i want to get better quicker, its taking all the willpower in the world. has anyone else felt like this? will i ever be able to go out and enjoy a meal with my loved ones again? i get this feeling of envy and anger inside when people i know are eating out.