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I am away on Vacation and trying my best but just feeling terrible and so out of the norm. I just feel like a miserable alien who doesn't fit in. This is our last day and still, I cannot relax and just enjoy things as they are. I thought I would be better by now and I just can't see a light at the end of this tunnel. I am driving my husband literally insane and I feel so incredibly anxious. Can't think of a way to enjoy myself. Also- I am having extreme PMS which makes life unbearable no matter how logical I try to be.
Hello Deir,
Hello Deir,
I always whack out on vacation - sorry you're sharing my experience. I hope that it's better than when you first wrote this. You have come a long way and I've always seen you bounce back.
Hanging in there with you,
Hugs
As good as I have done in
As good as I have done in treatment... I still do not do well on vacation. I go from going to the bathroom every day like clock work, to not going AT ALL. My bladder acts up, I feel stress more. I find it crazy since I have been doing so well, so the fact that you struggle while away is not abnormal to me, as it is very real. I am so sorry you are still struggling but know vacations are hard even on some of us that are doing really well. I hope you feel better!
I do stress because of the
I do stress because of the food issues and I do get a bit constipated and have to bring magnesium with me. It is hard to feel normal. If there is an opportunity I try to go clothes shopping at least once LOL that always cheers me up for a bit. But I know what you mean. I try to do things for myself like go for walks and read good books. Hope you had a little enjoyment. Let go of it if you didnt. It wont always be like this. You have a long life ahead of you. This too shall pass (but then I find myself thinking I need to carve out some gems of enjoyment bc my kids are growing UP!)
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
Hi Deir,
Hi Deir,
Sorry to hear this. Would it help to list your symptoms now (inc. psychological ones)? I remember reading a post from you a while ago where you listed your symptoms. You are so close to the whole thing that you may not be able to see your improvements - but I bet there are a few! We are not as close to your situation so may be able to see more clearly all the steps forward that you've taken. Please don't lose hope - some people's path just isn't smooth through this process - but from reading the site very closely, they really do all get there in the end.
I am so sorry Deir. I was on
I am so sorry Deir. I was on vacation this week too and up with bowel pain at 2:30 am one morning and then 3:30 am the next morning. I always seem to have issues on vacation. I pray you are feeling better soon. Love sent to you!
Hello Deir,
Hello Deir,
Try to literally think of one day at a time. For the past three years vacation was more of a survival trip for me. But recently I am finally doing better and getting more and more improvement. i am a little over two years in treatment and my IC problems and treatment is not mainstream. Matia has to think out of the box for me and I am not an easy case but difficult is not impossible. Finally we are getting somewhere where I have many days with no bladder or vv pain. But being on vacation a couple of weeks ago having a long flight to the USA gave me a huge panic attac right at our first night at the hotel telling my husband that I wanted to go back home the next day. We both ended up being really really sad that night but the next morning I tried to convince myself to look no further than one day at a time and that seemed to take off a lot of pressure of me. Just accepting that although I am a lot better I am not completely healed and that it is ok listen to my own body and do what I can and not looking at other people with lots of energy and good health. Just try to see and do things that feel good to you and for me the first week was still difficult but the last two weeks ended with a feeling of hm I wish I could stay a little bit longer. I know how difficult it is being the daugther, the wife and the mum that has been ill for a long time. I even told my husband that I couldn't even remember how it felt to being the person that I was before the IC came into my life. But now very slowly I can see little pieces of little old me coming back to me. I still have a way to go but in time I will get there. Try to convince yourself that maybe you are not feeling so well right now but you will be some day maybe sooner than you think.
Sending you hugs,
Thank you everyone. Anneke- I
Thank you everyone. Anneke- I try so hard to live one day at a time but somehow this vacation ahs really put me over. I have been in treatment for 3 years and yes, I think maybe I am seeing some small overall improvements but even then- it is so subtle I don't know If maybe I am just living with it better. I had hoped so much that I would be ok on this trip or at least emotionally be able to accept if I wasn't but i just couldn't suck it up. I know the darn PMs has a lot to do with this and I am so sick of being scared of the days before my period. I got my period really early last month and then I looked on the calender with dread knowing it would coincide with this trip. UGH! I hate that I can't just go with the flow a little. I had a few good moments on this trip and one whole nice day despite everything so I guess I have to accept that much but I am resisting and I want more- I want to be free!!
ONe of my sisters just spent 2 weeks in Hawaii and another one was at the Grand Canyon with her kids. I don't see myself ever doing anythgin like that. I aimed low with this trip and still, I feel like it was a disaster mostly because I couldn't just stop the negative chatter in my mind and heart. I didn't even attempt any kind of trip last summer and I wish I hadn't tried this year either. That makes me sad. Wish I could start over and be cheerful for the sake of my husband who has been forced to listen to me cry too much.
I am glad to knwo that I am not alone in vacation worsening and also anxiety. I feel like the only miserable one in a world full of happy, relaxed people sometimes
I wish I could do or say
I wish I could do or say something that would magically fix everything (for everyone, including myself!), but obviously none of us can... I just want to chime in and say I'm hoping and praying for encouragement and HOPE for you, deir!! Please know that you are certainly not an alien in this world (although I know the feeling - especially around holidays and social events!). I have also noticed that stress and hormones are HUGE triggers for me, which is good to be mindful of even just for the sake of realizing it will be worse at certain times, since we can't completely control our hormone OR stress level, no matter how hard we try.
But I truly believe that there IS a light at the end of this tunnel - for everybody. It just stinks that we can't all know how long each of our tunnels actually is until we reach the end... but we will!!
Thanks for your kind words!!
Thanks for your kind words!!
So now that I am home, I am feeling much better although ,my family isn't back yet and i can't relax. I should be using this time to take a nice break but I feel out of sorts with nobody here-even the dog is in NC. So, I have decided next year, we will try again but in a much smaller capacity. I think I NEED a few days alone with my husband so we can take the kids to his parents in NC and then go somewhere for a few days and then I can spend another day or 2 with the whole family and then fly home planning that I might not feel well. It is hard to accept how much my life has changed with this but acceptance is the ONLY way. Who know- maybe I will feel better next year. Always keeping hope...