So I got some exciting news last week  and my reaction to it was honestly not of excitement but that I was scared!!!!

  Which made me realize I need to make some changes...I thought I would share to see if you all can relate...

I just got accepted into grad school for a social work  program I've been working at getting into for  years!!!

I've also been dealing with IC with periods of up and down and back up again for about 10 years, so I've worked through all of this with college ,moving , acting,  and other things... I've had my fair share of challenges and times that I had to take a break because things were rough...and times that were just great ( the good times felt even better as if I was feeling healthy , I was able to appreciate them more!)

Now that I'm just beginning this healing path with Mattia that I feel is really the right one for me I feel more relaxed and ready for the final healing to begin and to be done with this for good, however I can't help but be scared occasionally....

My crazy thoughts become : that I have been waiting for this for so long and what if I can't do it , what will I be feeling like then, will I be feeling better will I feel worse , will I feel okay when will it all end ,when will everything be normal,...

will I end up ten years from now alone , unaccoplished  with no job  or friends, and living with my Mother not even able to be a sad cat lady because I'm allergic to cats !?!?!??!?!??! ( no offense to cat ladies...I wish I could have them!)
Hahah....goodness

.....
After all of that stressing myself out I  have decided to give myself a break.  As my boyfriend said: " No matter what you are going through, I support you in wherever you are at."...

I then realized that I have not been supporting myself wherever I am at.  I have put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and get things done...I haven't even told half of my friends about what is going on with me because I always want to make it look like I have everything together. 

I have learned though that I need to respect myself and my process, and that is it OKAY to feel this way right now and that the only way to get to the happy tomorrow's is to take it one moment at a time, not blaming myself for the ups and downs but realizing it's all part of healing. 

So, as my grad program could be a full or part time schooling  ,I switched tracks from full to part time so that I can give myself moments of rest and healing while embarking on both of these journeys...

I feel as though I can breathe a bit better now. 

I'm sure that some of you can relate with things that you are going through in your lives...I know some of you have had weddings, babies, jobs, etc. during all of this because well, life goes on of course. 

You all are so strong no matter where you are at or what you are struggling with right now...we are doing the best we can and that's okay. 

Just wanted to share...

( and for the record, working with Mattia is already helping... I can feel it, I know we all are getting there bit by bit  :) )