For those of you who have worked with me or read my dissertation, you know that one aspect, one of many that sometimes may pertain to an underlying issue of IC is the bonding relationship between mother and child--or lack there of.
This relationship is fundamental to our self esteem, the development of who we are, and the well being of our health. If this relationship is not a nurturing one, then changes may sometimes occur in a young child's emotional and intellectual development that may in turn cause physiological changes.
These physiological changes can create a cascade of events that ultimately lead to IC.
Conversely, recognizing this dynamic retrospectively is equally important. Because, as we cannot change that which has already happened, we can change what tomorrow brings. And, one way of changing what has passed is forgiveness. If we hold on to the anger and the sadness that we feel was perpetrated against us, we become victims and we internalize those negative feelings into our bodies and they perpetuate disease.
True forgiveness is quite difficult. But, when we are able to achieve it, it brings with it, a release of the negativity and that turns into elation and power. Those are tremendous strengths that we may use as positives in our lives to sooth the once open wounds in our hearts.
As adults, and especially as adult women, we need to learn to fill the chasms that we feel have been created by the lacking of love and encouragement by our mothers (or sometimes fathers).
In celebrating mother's day, we need to honor our mothers for what they are--not what we would have wanted them to be. When they created and raised us, I am certain it was not their intention to do a bad job. All mothers do the best they can with what they have. And mothering is difficult work. A hug part of mothers day is loving who brought us into the world and appreciating that they did what they could to bring us up. From there, it is our responsibility.
Love and appreciation are soothing attributes that we may all be able to benefit from. So, let's all say thank you to our mothers and if we are ourselves mothers sooth our wounds through
creating a greater sense of self esteem and bonding to the next generation.
The most important things are love, acknowledgement, and forgiveness-isn't that we hope others will give us as well? In the end, none of us are perfect!
Happy Mothers Day!
Comments
lovely post
thanks Matia- this is a great topic to think about. One of the hardest parts of this journey to wellness for me has centered on this very subject matter. As I started feeling better physically I noticed that I had alot of "stuff" about family and the past- especially Mom stuff and I'm glad that my experience in treating IC brought this aspect and the hard truths I never wanted to examine into the light. I have recently been involved in very intense but emotionally healing sessions with a counselor with the definate focus on forgiveness and releasing the past for a empowering feeling. I think that as a result my relationships with family are already improving and too synchronistically I am feeling better physically/psychologically. I waited for a while before doing any kind of deep psychological energy work knowing that such things can be eally powerful and bodies can release alot of things in physical way as a result of clearing out emotional baggage. I feel I'm at a place where physically I can handle the potential tiredness or die off reaction if it occurs. It hasn't really been like thatand tI do feel better. the releif is great- I do feel lighter and because I changed and let go of beleifs - I feel like I've shifted-my thoughts regarding certain things are different- my energy is different as a result and therefore people are responding to me more positively and in a different way. Very cool. I highly recommend when people are ready and if its applicable to you for folks to try tuning into the emotional aspects of IC and past issues that may in some way be comprimising our physical health weather its stress and sadness or old festering wounds. With the help of a therapist( I suggest finding a certified energy work therapist who has background in phychology/counseling)its not hokey but find a good expereinced practitioner you trust or do some other therpay like Traditional therapy/insight counseling or journaling and visualization or art or a trusted friend to talk about and help you release and process these things can be soo helpful I think to your body and mind. I just wanted to share that. thanks!
I've been suffering with IC
I've been suffering with IC for a year now. I've been on the traditional treatment regimen (with a urologist) and out of work due to the sedative drugs, which I have just stopped taking. In the meantime I've been searching for lots of alternative therapies to help my bladder. I'm feeling better than a year ago....like 95% there, but not perfect and not satisfied yet. I know I need to be more patient, but this is seriously like a full time job and I'm getting fed up with the burning. And fed up with not being able to work.
I am an only child and lost both my parents very close together, starting about 5 years ago. I also started seeing an energy healer. I have been once so far. After that first appointment, I felt relief from my bladder symptoms for 2 whole days. Spectacular. I thought I had my life back. My symptoms came back after 2 days, but I felt hope that this might be an integral part of my issues. I'm resisting Matia's complete list 1 diet (I have eliminated so many things like gluten and dairy for a year now and only drink water) as I think, based on that energy healing, that I've tapped into something important. I've also just started acupuncture. I'm not yet a patient of Matia's but I'm sure I will be soon. I have the utmost respect for how she is helping people living with IC. I live on fruit and fresh vegetable juices and I fear that they will become a thing of the past! I've also dumped so much money into this disease, I am just hoping I start feeling better any day now!
Anyway, I thoroughly support the energy healings!
Has anyone tried Cysta-Q? I just ordered some but am not sure what to expect relief-wise. Happy Mother's Day!
Wow!!!
Matia,I read your post and it really hit home for me. Not with my mom but with my dad. I used to be a daddy's girl when I was little. My mom and dad divorced when I was 2, and not far after my mom married another man who was my stepdad for many years. During this time, I would say once I was about 11, I started getting further and furtherr away from my dad and we had eventually moved to California and my dad was here in Tx. When I would go to visit him I would notice that we had become so distant, and I never had anything to say. I starting seeing his true colors: he is racist, sexist, shovenist, etc....all he would do is sit there and talk to people and say the n word this, and call me a yankee, and call me fat (and I was not), and all sorts of things. Everytime I would leave from visiting my soul would be shot, it would be so far down I had such a hard time picking myself back up again. Everytime I went to visit him though I was really there to visit my papaw but he would always show up so it was just sort of like part of the visit. Ugh! I would recall all of the times when I was little and remembering how much I loved my dad. Well in Sept of 2006, I was on my way to visit my papaw. I had just visited a few weeks before and I knew he was sick so I figured that I really needed to visit him again just in case. On my way there driving to Crockett I remember thinking to myself what is papaw passes away, will I even have any sort of relationship with my dad anymore, will I have even the crappy relationship that had become between us even if it was bad, or will I lose my dad once papaw dies? Well, I got there to Crockett and drove up to Papaw's house and outside was my dad and Aunt and my dad looked at me and just started crying. I knew, right away I knew that Papaw had died. My dear sweet papaw died without me being able to tell him goodbye. The next day I ended up getting into a fight with my dad and drive here, back to Austin. I was balling the entire time. What started the fight (Keep in mind I had never had a fight with my dad my whole life, I bottled all of my anger up for him not paying child support, for not him not calling me on my b-day, Christmas, for him not ever asking me how my life was going, I bottled all of the anger up) and the night before I drove back to Austin I asked him what was going to come off all of papaw's stuff and if I was going to get anything. He ended up calling my daughter a winch and me a gold digger. I have never been anything of the sort and he never paid for anything for me. It broke my heart so I drove back to Austin. The next day I had to drive back to East, TX. To the podunk town otherwise known as Crockett, TX. My mom came with me. The only words I said to my dad were, "hello butthead." That was it, now here we are in 2009 and it has almost been 3 years. The ironic thing is that 4 mos. after that event is when my IC started. Will I ever forgive my dad, not sure? Not sure. But I have let it go much more now than I did before. I am letting it be, for now, it is what it is. It is just ironic to read your blog because it seems my IC began to brew after this never forgetting event. Writing this reply is somewhat theraputic for me so please forgive me if I have told what seemed a never ending story. Sometimes I just have to get it out.
getting it out
Its important to get things out. That is what this space is intended for- to vent to support and to share. you certainly are not alone- I'm sure many of us have sad and stressful tales of family relationships that are fractured or damaged or messed up over the years. IC is a hidden blessing as it can make us revisit those times or events or people who we might be carrying aorund resentments or guilt or anger about and finally for once and all heal those things. I'm beginning to think - IC may be a different manefestation for all- not always a mother thing or a family thing- but there must be a truly important emotional component. I want to deal with my emotions and memories and hope that by doing so - I would in addition to diet awareness I think it will prevent IC from returning. I think negativity can be so toxic to our bodies but revisiting those issues is soo painful we often push the thoughts away as the heart can hurt worse than the bladder! or maybe we ae storing the hurt in our bladder! At least I did. I was reading somewhere about how forgiveness is about not necessarily condoning someone's poor actions or treatments of us but releasing the anger and hurt we feel- either our own transgressions or others agaisnt us - by doing so we are taking care of ourselves and not letting those feelings have any power or weight in our life. we are free. healing can begin in that state. the bitterness is released forever. it doesnt mean anyone can continue to hurt us as they please its about taking your power back- and not letting other people/or memoeries violate your boundaries or have any control over your life. some folks are not in a place to have a functional relationship because they have not yet taken responsibility for the actions they have perpetrated- that is kind of their thing and that's up to them to work on- but we can move forward by doing all we can to clear out the pasts hurts and take the steps we need to take to deal with the present and future. counselors are helpful for letting us know how to do that. Ia m learning so much! Its possible to repair and heal even the most shattered of relationships but in order for that to happen it may take some intense work with cooperation by both parties to reach that place.i 'm thinking counseling sessions or something but somtimes it just what you can do that is the most important for your life. Death/funerals can make people so unhinged - they do things and say things that are truly hurtful and crazy! people get greedy they react from a place of fear and sadness and it starts making them think about thier own mortality and they want to hoard what is left that is special or valuable or they just lash out angry most of al at themselves for how they have acted- sometimes they are truly punishing themselves by being abusive! reflection of thier own condition/projection... I watched this go down in my husbands family when his grandmother passed. I saw people's true colors and it was disturbing! couple someone's greif with a greed to hang onto something tThe money left to the adult children specifically by the mother who passed. This gift of money meant to help turns into a point of contention- gets distorted by families in financial stress mixed up with greif and other explosive things like alcoholism. It got ugly for a little while! anyway Ic makes it so we can't stand the pain anymore and we have to expel it all so it can't fester in our hearts or bodies. it does no one any good nor does it change the past to hold onto the negativity. we can move on. people and family can act very badly - boy it took me so long to figure out that parents aren't perfect and don't have all the answers and sometimes they don't love us like they are supposed to- they often love us how they were loved or to the extent that they love themselves which can be too little - despite all intentions to be good parents. I can see how the people who hurt me were broken and wounded themselves - often with no clue or awareness of their condition- just reacting really. It doesn't make it right. But there you have it. there they are- and all it seems you can do is face the truth and accept responsibility for your own life. heal the best you can- surround yourself with family and love that does support you - even if not by blood. I think well even though my relationships with certain people aren't the best - I am still grateful they gave me life or helped support me to grow into the person I am. Even the things that people don't do can benefit us- can make us strong and we can create good fortune/know what not to do- maybe even help them if wecan or wish down the road - we can create medicine from the poison of our life. happy mothers day. and many prayers and good thoughts of healing to all those who are struggling to heal the relationships that may need healing either within themselves or with others. blessings - Mary
this post also hit home for
this post also hit home for me. im starting to think my ic has alot to do with emotional issues ive had since probably middle school. around that age i just became so insecure and never felt good enough for anyone. i think it goes back to my relationship with my father. my father is like a brick wall, no emotions. i dont think i have ever received a hug or an i love you from him since probably being a baby. alot of that has emotionally left a sadness in my heart. i myself find it hard to let others in and show love b/c i wasnt shown as a child. its something im trying very hard to change. i know i need to let go of the anger and resentment to help my healing and just be happy with myself. i hope through this whole healing process it will help me be free of the past and live for the future:)
moms and breastfeeding
This is a bit of a tangent but I wasn't sure where else to ask this question. What if a mother is unable to breastfeed her infant? Does that create a bonding issue? Also, what could be subsituted for breast milk? what about soy formula?
Breastfeeding and bonding
many people believe that not breast feeding inhibits bonding. But, as a mother, I dont think that this is true at all. I believe bonding occurs on many levels and that is only one. So people should not feel guilty for not breastfeeding!
formula
If a mother is unable to breastfeed, what is a safe substitute? What about soy formula?
substitute for breastfeeding
I dont recommend soy! Most baby formulas are based on corn syrup, which, is awful,You can use Enfamil Lipil, but recently it was found to have trace amounts of melamine--not sure if that is true or not. Horizon has a powder formula that isnt bad, and Earth's best is yet one more choice, it is organic as well as Horizon. Raw milk is a great option, if you are comfortable with it. We drink it in our family, and I am very pro raw milk as long as it is not used with certain situations--like IC for example.
soy
is soy bad for an infant?