Help my mind

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I don't think I can go on much longer. Every day is a new symptom. I'm afraid to eat anything. I try to stick to the diet on the website but its almost impossible sometimes. I don't feel as though I'm getting enough nutrients. I'm terrified that everything I put in my mouth will cause another symptom. Today my symptom is pain in my lower left side that feels like bladder pressure but also somehow tied to the gut. I fear that I have nerve entrapment or damage. I think I may give up soon. I feel so alone and lost in the world. This has taken my life away. As s oon as I think I'm getting better, I get worse. I feel like I'm being punished or tortured for something. Please someone help my mind. 

calieve's picture
calieve

It's so hard but you can do it! Email Matia exactly what you just posted. You will get better, sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, but that is just the bad stuff coming out. Hold on, you can do it. Have you read Matia's dissertation? It explains what we are going through.

me's picture
me

I haven't. I am not a patient of hers because I don't think I could feel well enough to fly out there. But I read the website a lot and follow the diet. Thank you for responding. I have no one to really talk to. I had backed my way out of the pelvic pain. Then the. Itching started and drove me crazy. So I basically went nuts again because of it. Then I was doing better and one day had uti symptoms, which made me crazy again. Then I was doing one better and when my period started I began having urgency pain on my left side. That pain grew stronger last night. So I just live in fear everyday of what I should eat, what symptom is coming next, how bad is it going to get.

calieve's picture
calieve

Yup, that pain is the worst during your hormonal times, like before and during your period.... and also during ovulation.... It will pass, Periods are the hardest part to get through..... 
 
What's keeping you from seeing Matia, do you live far?

me's picture
me

Yes. Live far away and don't have money to spend on the trip and follow-ups. I don't know if she takes my insurance.

calieve's picture
calieve

There is a website called http://www.giveforward.com/
 
and it helps raise money for people that need it. Maybe we can set something up for you and try to raise money for you so you can go see Matia. You should at least call them, and tell them about your situation. If anything maybe if the money is raised for you trip, airfare, and probiotics/ herbs.... then maybe they can help out with the fee.

blondy's picture
blondy

I know it is hard, but it is not worth to let it get you. As you know, symptoms come and go, bad days followed by better days. Please hold on to hope.

me's picture
me

Thank you for your encouragement. I need it so much right now. I am trying to work and struggling with my anxiety. When new symptoms arise, I feel that I may be getting worse and it terrifies me. But when you frame it as die off, that makes me feel better.