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Dr. B says we all go through ups and downs, and that I shouldn't beat myself up for cheating (though I should try not to do it, of course). My commitment to the diet's been slowly dwindling for the past 3 months, and now I feel so lame and like such an idiot for not being more committed! It's my health after all -- the only person I'm cheating is myself here!!
I'm 6 months into treatment. I was making INCREDIBLE progress my first 3 months (finally getting sleep at night, better frequency during day; pain's never been an issue for me). Then in the past 3 months, my commitment has been not all there, since my wedding. I drank and celebrated during my wedding day, and resolved to hop back on the diet strictly. But I don't know, something in my brain never quite clicked again and I started taking lots of little "bites" here and there for the past 3 months. Of course, I stopped making progress -- and this led to more discouragement and more cheating! Which led to more of not making progress! Vicious cycle. Then this weekend I went to Napa and just had a complete diet melt-down (alcohol + sugar).
It was the tipping point. I felt sick the next day and literally disgusted with myself for not taking my very own health seriously. It's been 4 days and I am back in STRICT diet mode. I am bloated and worry I may have undone ALL my hard work past 6 months (because even when I was "micro-cheating," I was still following the diet for the most part).
How do you guys deal with cheating and motivation issues? Have you ever completely fallen off the bandwagon -- did you feel like you had to start all over?? Dr. B. says every act of cheating is "undoing" all the hard work. Does this mean all my progress for the past 6 months has been lost?
Thanks guys.
Signed,
Needing Motivation
Cheating
It must be hard if pain is not an issue. Pain is the only thing that initially stopped me from cheating on the diet. Now I find it quite easy to stick to the diet as it has become second nature to me.
This only happens over time and so it is much tougher in the early days. If you can persevere for now I promise you the results will be worth it an you will feel so proud of yourself.
Now I find I'm very happy eating from list 2 and although I'm allowed list 3 I rarely delve into it. Just occasionally if I fancy a bit of fruit.
There are loads of tasty recipes on this site and look at www.ichealing.co.uk which was kindly created by one of Dr B's patients. Loads of mouthwatering things to try. Just be careful to select dishes according to your diet list.
Just remember it won't be hard forever.
Carole -- What a fabulous
Carole -- What a fabulous website!! Can't believe it's not prominently displayed for everyone on the top of this forum!
Thank you for your kind words. You know, I actually started messing up much more when I transitioned from List 2 to 3. I think I went too fast, felt ill, and that contributed to the confusion and cheating. I've definitely made nice with List 2 now and find it my safe and cozy place -- kinda like an old friend :). The only thing I miss dearly is fruit.
Again, thank you.
I agree with Carole, the pain
I agree with Carole, the pain is the biggest motivator here. I always worry about if when we get symptom free, how to find the strenght to still stick to eating better. I am getting used to eating veggies now, but still not top on my favourite's list, it's always been the first thing i like to finish off on my plate and get it over with so i can enjoy my carbs with pleasure... Congratulations by the way on your wedding :), don't be so hard on yourself, it was such a busy time for you, and emotional, it's very human to want to enjoy it,. I think anyone would have hard time commiting to such a strict protocoal during such a busy, exciting and stressful time. That being said, I am absolutely sure you'll do just fine this time around, now you can focus on you, and your well being for your husband and future family. When Matia told me that i'd heal faster if i didn't cheat, I thought I had to do my best to stick with the diet, that way I would enjoy the things i really miss much sooner and without painful consequences. You didn't miss the train, but why not jump on it and get to your station sooner? Best of luck :)
cheating
Hi, I have just had my sister stay for two weeks and have cheated. Ate 3 desserts and angry with myself. I was going so well. I guess we need to just get straight back on to the diet and let the cheat go. Good luck
word
I mean--the diet is really annoying, but once you do it for long enough, you just get used to it. I too had those sugar/alcohol melt downs in the beginning. In fact, I threw myself a keg party for my 25th b'day party--and definitely drank beer--the literal worst alcohol for us! However, it landed me in the position of being in treatment for 4 years, and STILL having symptoms. I had to start at list 2 in February, and after 7 horrific urgent, frequent months, I'm just finally to make some headway (with a TON of symptoms still). So, forgive yourself, move one, but note that its a process. It might be lucky that its taking you longer, because you will learn good habits.
Thanks all for taking the
Thanks all for taking the time to reply. I've been on strict diet crackdown for a week and a half, and as annoying as the diet is (as Researchnerd says!), I'm feeling better and remember why I committed the first time around. It's funny how quickly my body bounces back after "training" it for 6 months. The first 5 days after "crackdown" were awful: headaches, stomachaches, fatigue -- like, serious, tangible die-off. I'm cool now, more or less.
Delie, I COMPLETELY understand being tempted when you're around loved ones and in settings of "happiness and bliss" -- you just wanna act like you have not a care in the world. Then being disappointed and angry with yourself.
I love everyone's response that it's best to just brush off, and keep chuggin' along.
Let it go
Hi- I am Mary and I am a patient of Matia who is I would say in the majority of recovery mode but still working out some kinks in strengthening my systems- digestion etc. My bladder feels amazing and the vulvadynia gone with an occasional flare up when I don't eat clean enough.
I relapsed with a RIOTOUS month long yeast infection that was hell. WHY? I had two episodes of drinking in one week as well as 2 high sugar desserts. (i was testing myself felt invincable and crashed and burned literally.) and way too much flirtation with refined sugar in small doses over the last 6 months and brought the yeast levels back up. Dang. See. Even once you are well you got to keep on the straight and narrow. Lesson learned. We kind of have to be in remission mode and keep the reigns tight. If that is how much we have to do once we are well then you have to like be strict as can be NOW. that said- the past is past. Learn from it and develop impeccable eating habits.
When in treatment I NEVER cheated. EVER. I got well in 4 years. I worked hard hard hard!
Let it go- move on and resolve to be solid in your definitive sticking to the diet.
Cheating as I understand can drive the IC deeper into the body. There is no wiggle room with IC which is kind of mindblowing as a life challenge that we are given. It's like saying-only someone who has the potential courage and resolve to do this would ever have been given, created or go through the experience of this condition. And that happens to be true. you do. I thought I had no control whatsoever before starting with Matia. Turns out buried inside me was an inner general of incredible discipline. For me- I had crazy pain instead of frequency/urgency but when I had frequency and urgency I actually found that to be WORSE than the pain in my opinion. Anyway
It comes down to this- everytime you feel like cheating remember this mantra- "its either me or this illness."
For IC alot of the power of healing is in WHAT YOU DO NOT DO THAT EVERYONE AROUND YOU DOES. You would be shocked at how unwell alot of people are. PEople have chronic heartburn, colitis and other issues that they just think is normal.
Which will it be be? You well or IC? You have the power to choose to love your body and get it back in balance! Once you get far away from the sugars- eliminating them completely and their influence then it gets waaaay easier and you won't feel those temptations like you might be now. That first bite of fruit when you can have it will be like candy and sooo worth it and truly the best dessert we could ever be gifted with. It will be incredible!
Much love and healing energy to you,
Mary
Wow, Mary, it's been forever,
Wow, Mary, it's been forever, I was so happy you didn't need to be on here anymore in recent months! I am so sorry to hear of your relapse, not just for your setback, but also knowing this diet KIND OF is forever. Not saying I mind it, but was so looking forward to being well and having the odd treat/dessert like normal people once or twice a month and maybe some Thai food, ha ha! I guess that won't be in my future! But I thank you for your honesty and candidness; this is definitely better to hear now than to go through it later not really knowing it might happen.
Any thoughts on the TCM reasons why the IC goes deeper even with the slightest cheats? After 3 years in myself I have no idea how you never cheated, not ever, not even once! As dedicated as I've been, especially this last year, I've inadvertently messed up so many times while eating out and not even realizing something was in the dish, etc. Wow and congrats to you for that. That's not easy, but it makes me feel completely hopeless that I can attain that level of perfection and actually get well, if that is indeed what it ultimately takes to ever get well. Since I'm 99.8888888888% perfect with the diet and not well yet, I'm sad and wondering if it's either a) not the diet or b) that miniscule amount of imperfection. Oy vey! Daunting and confusing.
Again, I'm so sorry you had to find out the hard way, but thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing
I'm sorry that you've hit a rough patch - although it is good to see your words again - you were part of the reason that I found myself here.
So, thank you
Brilliant post Mary! Thank
Brilliant post Mary! Thank you for sharing this. I'm going through such a jacked up, freaky relapse...ALL MY OWN FAULT. But I'm back on the wagon. I like "its either me or IC." It's simple and damn true. Thanks again for sharing, very very helpful and motivating. Best of health and painlessness!
I def. think that not having
I def. think that not having pain makes it so much harder to stick to the diet. I've been working with Matia for 7 years. I was in HORRIFIC pain when I started with her. I made great improvements and was pain free in a few years. I never was able to stick to the diet 100% for more than a few weeks. And I always had some sort of pain after I cheated. however, as I got better and better, the pain took longer to come on after cheating. We all know what that means...longer periods of cheating because I thought I could get away with it!! So for the holidays in 2010 I went crazy, sugar & alcohol. Pain came back but not terrible. Then a few incredibly stressful events happened and I went even more crazy, ESPECIALLY with alcohol. By the middle of 2011 I developed really strange symptoms ( by strange I mean not my " regular" symptoms). Tons of clear, watery discharge. A crazy rash on my torso. Incontinence. Then the worst of all, after eating out at several restaurants during a trip away from home, I started producing massive amounts of saliva. There have been times I can't talk because there's too much saliva to talk without spitting. This hyper salivation has also caused me to clench my jaw & teeth as I sleep. I clench so hard that I break my teeth. befor I finally got a bite guard, I woke up with chipped and aching teeth almost everyday. I have to say, this symptom has been the most demoralizing. I think I' m just shocked that I could possibly have another health issue that is so horrible, painful, etc. that ISN'T in my " lower regions." I never had much pain in my upper body during treatment exceopt for one bad jaw incident. I still have these symptoms now (except for the rash). I am paying BIGTIME for cheating for so long with so much sugar & alcohol. Matia has been trying to get this under control the whole time. I'm not responding well. I think I did so much damage to my gut that it's gonna take a long time of perfect eating to get out of this. If I could go back, I obviously would not have cheated. I thought I was well enough to handle it. I was NOT. I would say that as hard as it is, please don't cheat like a " wild woman"! It's so not worth it. Maybe if my cheating hadn't been so outlandish, I would not be dealing with these awful issues right now. I'm making the same deals with God/ Spirit/Universe that I did when I was in horrific bladder/vaginal pain years ago..."PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if I get out of this, I'll never cheat again!" And so on and so forth. So the point of this stupidly long post is don't cheat like crazy because it probably will cause you some sort of relapse. I don't mean to bum anyone out but I REALLY don't wany anyone out there who has worked so hard to get better to screw up and be in pain again like I am. It unnecessary and totally avoidable!! Good health and painlessness to all :)
Thank You
I wanted to say Thank You for your post as it definately help me to put things into perspective. I also am praying for you that these new symptoms will leave you very soon and you can get back to healing. I do have a few questions if you do not mind. I am pretty new to treatment and find it hard to stick to the diet when I have good days as well and beat myself up because I have been in pain for 15 years and how could the sugar beast outweigh the hell that I went through in all of my 20's and now 30's. My boyfriend and family are horrible eaters, and our life has always revolved around going out to eat as a pass time. I need a new crowd to hang with!! I know you said you healed in 2 years, were you cheating during these 2 years or just after you were healed? Also, can you give me an idea of what your bladder and vaginal symptoms were when you started out, this will bring hope to know you once healed. Thank you so much and may god bring you through this quickly.
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your prayers and well wishes!! I truly appreciate it. During the first few years I DID cheat but they were sort of minor cheats in general. Like I might have too much fruit. Or a bite of cake. These cheats sometimes did affect me super negatively, sometimes not. But when they didn't I'd cheat more!! And then I DID get a lot worse. And Matia had to guide me out of the aftermaths each and every time. It's really embarrassing to not be able to follow this diet like she askes me to. I am a pretty dedicated person and when I set my mind to do something, I usually accomplish it. EATING is the one area that I feel helpless in lately. I am a full blown sugar addict and I MUST stay away from it at all costs. I know this, I just haven't been able to do it yet. I'm trying again now! I am 100% sure that if I had not cheated at all, I would have gotten better, much faster and probably have beaten this crappy addiction by now. And probably I would have been healthier and stronger overall, maybe avoiding the colds and, one time, pnuemonia, that I got a few years ago. I did not do myself any favors! My symptoms when i first came to Matia were acute burning, stinging, swollen, flaming red vag. tissues and burning bladder. I had more vag. issues than bladder it turned out. My bladder got better really fast, vag. stuff took years. Here's a post I wrote to give a little hope a while back.
http://www.icama.org/forum/dr-brizmans-protocol/2010/11/05/little-bit-ho...
PLEASE PLEASE don't be discouraged by my relapse or how long it might take you to be fully better. Just keep on keepin' on and you will see that you are doing the right thing working with Matia. NOT just for your painful sysmptoms but for making you a much healthier and stronger person (in all aspects) in general! Hang in there, eat/drink right, wishing you painfreeness ASAP!!!! ;)
Thank you!
Thank you so much for replying and being so detailed,that is so appreciated and such a blessing to help me remember I need to keep on the straight and narrow. I read your posts from when you were in treatment before and you were always inspiring and just knowing that you did heal, I know you will heal again. I will still keep you in my prayers. I wish more people would put their healing stories on the site as the ones matia has on the list do not have anyone new. I know this because I read and re-read them constantly when i get discouraged and and depressed. Thank you again.
Christina
Agreed -- thank you!! Thank
Agreed -- thank you!! Thank you for sharing such a detailed account. Reading about your determination to stick to it 100% inspired me this week to double down on my efforts, and I have to say, I've done extremely well!
I hadn't heard about this idea of cheating driving the disease inward and more deeply! That is scary enough to keep me on the straight!
Cheating
Thanks to the folks who have detailed the dangers of cheating, generally, and after getting better. This is such a crazy disease and we have such a steep learning curve. We can take solace in the fact that our mistakes, though painful, not only teach us but help others, too. For example, Mrs. A. told me about a terrible experience she had with a minute amount of body liniment. I have arthritis in various parts and had been fond of tiger balm and lots of other goodies. After I heard her blow by blow description of weeks of agonizing pain, believe me, I knew not to try any of that stuff. Lucky we have the forum and Matia's help.
Love to all. Bonnie