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Today, I am probably either selling or giving away my beloved horse because I can't ride anymore because of IC. Two weekends ago, I gave away my other horse which was not as hard as this.
IC took away one of the main thing I loved, horseback riding, I know I will eventually be able to ride again but the cost of boarding the horses on top of all the costs of treatment etc got to be too much.
It is so sad. I kept them as long as I could but I know this is what is best.
I can't stand this condition and in my case I blame the doctor who did my hysterectomy and damaged my left ureter causing me to have to have bladder surgery, for all of it.
I also blame the doctors who refused to consider that I had a bladder infection last May because they thought my symptoms were due to my surgery. They were wrong and they realized that when they finally sent my urine to be cultured and it came back with ecoli and strep. That was after the infection had been brewing for a month. I cant tell you how bad the pain was at that time. Before the bladder surgery, I had never had a single uti.
Today I am angry because I do feel like a victim of the medical world but I know in truth that as the end of the day, everything is my life, I have created.
I am working on all of this and I have vowed to myself that I will get well, but this has been a very hard road.
Please send good thoughts today if you can. I will need them as I watch my horse be trailered away from the barn that was the happiest part of my life before IC.
Samara- Interesting you
Samara- Interesting you should bring this up because I am speaking at an Al anon meeting tonnght and the topic I have chosen is "grief." It is important to mourn and grieve.I am so sorry for the loss of your horse. I have mourned the loss of my physical life as a dancer but the hope is here. You will get back to that wonderful life
You dsaid that you feel you have "created" everything in your life -even the mistakes the doctors made? I feel sometimes that IC makes us so hard on ourselves or maybe it is just the extremity of it that leads us to somehow find blame within. I know there is a whole line of thinking (Louise Hay, The Secret, etc) that proposes that we have invited everything into our lives good or bad. I personally REJECT this wholeheartedly. Life happens, good and bad ,but I feel we CAN choose the road to take to deal with things and those of us here have chosen the road to a deeper state of health. This takes courage and perserverance. That is my 2 cents so you can take it or leave it but know that I am indeed sending you good thoughts
Samara, a year ago I could
Samara, a year ago I could not imagine being able to wear jeans and sit for long time. I do now. A few months ago, I didn't know if I'll ever be able to gain at least of part of the lost weight. I did, in a short period of time.
You will ride horses again, perhaps sooner rather than later. Blessings!
Hahah deir, it is super
Hahah deir, it is super refreshing to see your thoughts on the Louise Hays/The Secret outlook. I actually have been obsessed with subscribing to that idea , it honestly has helped and also hurt me alot by thinking that I attracted this negative thing to me. Absolutely not!!! In some of the more open minded law of attraction books, they do both- combine positive thinking with " this shit just happens , try to make the best of it"
I also can relate to being very mad at this disease. I am an actress and just had to step down from a company that I started with my friends to "deal with health issues"...it makes me feel like a failure and I have no one that I can relate to with this that I know of, no one that understands, except thank goodness it seems you guys.
I have gone into remission from this thing before though, so I am hopeful that when I see Dr.B she will help get me there faster...
I thought years ago I wouldn't be able to have a relationship, act, have a job, etc. and then I went into remission and I did all those things! Now that it is happening again, I have that to remember- that I will get better again and so will you :)
Pixie, what helped you to go
Pixie, what helped you to go in remission? How long did the remission last? What brought the IC back?
This is my first round, and hopefully the last one. Although I was having inflammation 25 years ago that was successfully treated. I was able to date, marry, and have children after. Perhaps, I was in remission and something pushed me over again.
Hi! I am (was) a professional
Hi! I am (was) a professional actress too as well as Choreographer director. I have mostly been a mom for the past 9 years but always had a few projects a year. Ithas been almost 3 years since I have done any Theater at all (except for a half an hour teaching a cast of Cyrano how to bow properly- Ha!) It is scary but I just know I am growing so much and I have faith that I will be back there.
You will too!!!
Hugs Samara!
So heartbreaking.
I like the book, "Why Bad things Happen to Good People" written by a Rabbi when his son was diagnosed with a horrible health condition. Because if you are spiritual (or not) it helps you think that god (or you) did not cause this, but a higher power can help you manage your reactions to it and healing can happen.
I don't believe you brought on this horrible sequence of events, but I do believe you have a lot to personally contribute to your healing.
You WILL ride again.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
I recently read a lovely
I recently read a lovely little book about the 23rd psalm by Harold Kushner. It helped me a lot. I just put "When bad Things Happen to Good People" on reserve at my library!
Thank you Deir,
I will look for that book!
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
THANK YOU
Thank you everyone. Deir, I appreciate your fresh outlook and I guess I am one of those that has fallen prey to feeling too responsible for the bad things. I am trying to find a more balanced viewpoint and yours is just what I needed to remind myself. I guess that I hate thinking I am a victim, but I actually was. The doctor messed me up. Period.
it is hard for me to cope with illness. Before this happened, I was never sick. Being sick is a whole new ball game and I don't like it very much. I am learning things that I may have never had the chance to learn though and I know that I wil come out of this stronger than before but I do just want it to be over. I guess that is what we all want! To be free from this nightmare. My symptoms are actually not so bad today so that is a gift. I am going to maintain my positivity as much as possible but yes, it is a hard road!!
Thanks again and many HUGS.