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I feel ike IC is ruiningmy marriage. I feel so responsible for my husband's unhappiness. I know this is codependent and I also know that he isn't miserable all the time or even often but whenever I talk to him about my true fears, like yesterday, he is so upset and I feel responsible. I just want to be able to provide my family with a nice life. My PMS has been AWFUL the past 2 cycles and I know that is part of this too. It is like I can't think straight and when I see him, it is like all I can think about is how bad I am making everything with this illness. What it has done to our sexual relationship- which used to be so much a good part of our life for so many years.
He says "Stop saying you are sorry" I know I didn't choose IC but still- his life would be so much better with a healthy wife.
Hoping I get my period soon and I feel a little more sane. I need to talk to Matia bout how extreme this PMS mood stuff is for me- I feel like I am nuts. Before IC, I used to have an herbal combo that worked wonders for PMS. I feel so helpless that I can't use any of my old tools to deal with it. My sking is breaking out too. I used to always say my skin showed on the outside how my emotions felt on the inside,
Wisdom is appreciated.
I can so feel what you are
I can so feel what you are saying. Often times I walk around feeling like I have no gender - a mannequin. Not being able to live the life I once knew. With my family and myself. What has helped me alot is the CODA meetings I attend. It is a safe place for me to feel vulnerable and talk about my fears and work through letting them go. It also provides the support and tools I need to keep moving forward.
It is okay to feel what you are feeling - but it is only a part of you - it doesn't have to consume you. I find if I remember to have compassion for myself, forgive myself and love myself I am better able to stay in the present and focus on the positive.
Thinking of you - you are not alone...
Breis
Breis- I am a grateful member
Breis- I am a grateful member of Al Anon. THANK GOD my family has alcoholicis so I can qualify for it! LOL It has really changed my life- but as you know all of this is a work in progress!
I just wanted to tell anyone who was kind enough to read this that I really should put a moratorium on posting when I due for my period. Surprise surprise- today it started! Gee I wonder why I was feeling so incredibly despairing? I also had some spottinglast night so that tells me that my progesterone is low- my hormones are really off lately. I will talk to Dr B about next appointment. In the meantime- I need to stay away from my sweet husband and this board if I am within 2 days of getting my period.
This process is incredibly hard. Like Ally was saying- you have to dig deeper and then deeper again to come up with the self awareness and strength to get through this day by day. So today, I go buy some Naturcare pads, brush myself off and keep going.
YAY! for your period!
YAY! for your period!
Thanks to all for the heartfelt posts. They help us all.
D, I too was told 1 year. I am at 10 months and still not where I want to be by any means. Still up and down. And horrible bloating. Besides the occasional frequency and background urge and reaction to herbs and being on list 3 for what feels like forever, and icky acne, I have constant abdominal bloating. VERY frustrating. So many people at the beginning of treatment told me to take Dr. B's time prediction with a grain of salt. Some said to double it. So I am at least doubling it in my mind. That helps a bit.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
Mimi, I bloat from dairy.
Mimi, I bloat from dairy. Take it out and see what happened. I am lean without dairy and feel light.
Thanks Blondy. There is no
Thanks Blondy. There is no rhyme or reason for my bloat (well, there is. It is called SIBO :) I have eaten dairy all of my life with no bloating. Zero. after taking two rounds of broad spectrum antibiotics last year I am bloated from after lunch until bedtime no matter what I do. Dr. B said this will improve but we have to get to a place where I am ready for certain protocol changes and I am not there yet. I have avoided dairy for nearly two weeks with no effect. Bloat, bloat, bloat.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
which is a little frustrating
which is a little frustrating because I like cheese, but it doesn't love me back. ;)
sigh.... I am feeling this
sigh.... I am feeling this same guilt today. You're not alone for sure. I feel so guilty for how much I have had to depend on my husband these last two years. I know it is hard on him having to do so incredibly much for sooo long, when I should be the one doing most of it. I'm much much better than I used to be physically, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. Dr. B told me the average time in treatment is 2.5 years... and with almost 2 in already, it does get frustrating. you're not alone for sure. The guilt can be devastating.
Oof, and I am only just
Oof, and I am only just gearing up to see the brizmans this fall. Ugh. On vacation and surviving by the discovery of prelief. I need to lock myself in a dietary bubble when I get home. Such looooong road and when I get through this my practice will be partially dedicated to others suffering like me. I have health care practice myself and caring for others with his 'secret' is getting increasingly harder. Imagine I work with huge cases of inflammation and pain that I help all the time but can't help myself. Ugh.
and, I seem to be dealing with mild prolapse too? Weird.
Blessings to all on this journey. Your support and shares are helping me tremendously...
Carey
What is SIBO?
What is SIBO?
Hi Deir
Hi Deir
I understand so much of what you are saying. I think we forget that in a way our spouses are going through this journey too & although none of us signed up for this, what we did sign up for was in sickness & health. These were vows that I took before God & it is really difficult but if the rolls were reversed I would be as supportive. My sex life sucks & Im still in pain most of the time. Like you I have 3 kids & taking care of them is monumental. i wish sometimes i can go somewhere else & heal but this is my life & I will keep fighting till it gets better!You have come this far & it is going to get better just not on our time. This miserable sad period awful is new for me but im hoping this gets better with time. I turned 40 this year and want so bad for this decade to be better than my 30's...no one wants to wish life away but I want to go to sleep & wake up with my life again. When people show you who they are, beliefve them. After all of this time, your husband is still there, telling you he loves you...so tell him how much you love him & that you could never get through this without him & keep fighting! it will be over soon:))))
Amy
AMy- I am with you in this.
AMy- I am with you in this. We will get there. Thanks ((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))
You know- one of my jobs is singing at weddings at churches? Everytime they get to "in Sickness and in Health" I have to say to myself- "don't cry, you're getting paid, you're getting paid" LOL