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I held back writing about this again but there is nobody in my life that gets this other than you all. I feel like such a failure even writing about this because so many of you have been so strong through this treatment. I'm walking a very thin rope right now. I do my meditation for my anxiety and start to feel a little better then I'm back to square one. I'm only on one drop of SF but 30 minutes after I take my herbs I go into a full blown panic attack. I now dont even know if its die-off or has my mind fixated on the fact that I attribute this to the SF. I have even considered dropping treatment because I cannot live like this. But I also know I need to stay with it. I'm feeling very hopeless..depression is starting to step in and being perfectly honest with you all I'm not at all sure I'm going to make it. I feel like I've gotten a grip on it and then it starts again. I'm not even sure I can be inspired at this point.
Patty, please stay with
Patty, please stay with treatment! We are doing everything we can for our bodies right now! we are all doing the best we can. we are nurturing our bodies and giving it the food, nutrients, and love that it needs to heal from this horrible disease. This treatment works. There are SO MANY success stories! We don't have any other option...other then prescription drugs and we all know that is poisen. We are treating with the best doctors in the world for IC. Just keep chugging along like all of us are going. You will have ups and downs, highs and lows...but eventually the highs will become higher and more frequent and lows will become less frequent. Maybe talk to boaz about putting you on something to help the anxiety like siberian eleuthro?? Or something else to help the anxiety. If you have anxiety the SF itself and it is just a mental thing know that you NEED SF if Boaz thinks you do. SF has caused the most die off for me...since being on SF (started in august) it has been my hardest time in treatment...but it is all for the greater good. We just need to trust in the Brizmans!
Please be strong.. You can do
Please be strong.. You can do this! I promise! I know how hard it is. I have been there! It was soo painful i thought i will not survive.... I did! Little by little, minute by minute, hr by hr.. Day by day. It will get better but you need to stay here with us. Talk to dr b... Talk to us. But stay here. I was soo bad that i had to talk to another recovered patient every day!! She saved me! You can do this. You are strong, is in you! You will find streght and one day this will be a memory....
I am sorry you are going
I am sorry you are going throught that right now, I have not had anxiety through treatment but my son just got back into treatment 2 days ago. He was only in it for 2 weeks before and stopped for 3 months and went on western meds. SInce going on all those meds he has had extreme anxiety, panic attacks thoughts about suicide. Now he is withdrawing from tapeing the meds. I just wanted to say I know how you feel as I am going through this with him and it is really bad right now. He was always an anxious child when he was young. Did you have anxiety before IC hit you, as these things tend to crop up again while in treatment.
You will get through this and any other challenges that come up, one day at a time. WHen my son gets these attacks if I am at work it is hard as I can only talk to him over the phone, but when I am home I just sitting with him and telling him things will get better helps, I have to keep telling him that until the attack subsides.
Talk to Boaz though as there are things that he might want to put you on that help.
Patty you are always in my
Patty you are always in my thoughts and I always appreciate how often you have reached out to me :) I know exactly what you are feeling, I think most of us going thru this know...even now getting back into treatment I question whether it will work or whether it is worth it. I know how scary it is, but like so many others have said it is our only option and a great option at that. Today I found myself getting so depressed over how awful I have been feeling but then I started to become thanful for the fact that I have the option to see Boaz and the access to the protocol and diet. I've never met you in person but I know that you are a strong woman! With all that said try and take it one day at a time, even one minute at a time, I've had to do that these past fews weeks and while its very hard it is doable. Please keep us posted on how you are feeling and never hesitate to share with everyone, we are all in this together and we all need support.
Hi Patty, so sorry to hear
Hi Patty, so sorry to hear that you're struggling. I was suffering from horrific depression and was about to go on antidepressants as I was having very dark thoughts and did not feel safe. Boaz asked me to give it once more month and upped alll my antifungals, including SF. It has helped so, so much. Candida is a MAJOR contributer to depression. It really sounds as though you are going through die-off. I would try to stick with it a bit longer if you can. Praying you get some relief soon x
Patty I am so so sorry you
Patty I am so so sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now. I am praying for you. This is such a difficult journey but we are doing it together. We have each other. I feel so close to everyone on this forum, even though I can't post every time. I pray when someone posts in pain. My heart aches for you and others in pain because of my own pain in my life. We are in the best place possible with our doctors and their protocol. Dr. B has got me through some rough times. Keep in close contact with your doctor as sometimes even a minor adjustment will bring such relief. Love and hugs to you.
Thank you everyone. I had
Thank you everyone. I had anxiety on and off for 30 + years so there is definitely some fe-tracing going on too. I have used up all my positive energy just talking myself down. I am going to try as hard as I can to keep going. I have not lost faith in the Brizmans or treatment -just dont have faith in myself that I can get a grip. I am calling to make an appt with a couselor today and I have my appt with Boaz tomorrow. All any of us can do is our best. I'm trying to dig us my best. These old feelings need to be dealt with anyway. Another layer. Trying to focus on what everyone says here and imagine myself well. My body is healthier than it has ever been thanks to Boaz.. Hopefully it has equipped me to keep going. Ya'll are truly my saving grace right now.
Patty- big (((hug))) You can
Patty- big (((hug))) You can do this. Take my advice with a grain of salt because I have not had severe anxiety and the worry I have felt has been terrible so I can only empathise with what you are feeling. Maybe you could stop "talking yourself down." What helps me when I am feeling completely at the end of my rope is to just accept that feeling instead of fighting against it. So, I will say, "well, today you are miserable and despondent." And try to just let it be. While similtaneously doing whatever tangible things I can do to add positive energy to my life at that moment- take a walk, call a friend, read something funny, garden, listen to a positive affirmation cd, Sometimes, that acceptance is the best I can do and it has gotten me through every time. Also- I know you are a pray-er, right? Give it to your Higher Power- "Dear God, I give you this anxiety, hold it for me please" Even a 5% decrease in misery helps. Keep reaching out and keep in contact with Boaz. You will get past this rough time. Other people have been there and have made it through the other side
Deir, you are so right. I
Deir, you are so right. I decided last night that I am going to start accepting things instead of fighting them or hiding in shame. I opened up alot to my husband this morning about just that. If I have plans and just don't feel like going then I won't. We are so accustomed to not letting anyone down we often sacrifice ourselves. I know I need to be kinder to myself...if I have the anxiety just let it do it's thing. And yes ma am I am a huge prayer warrior and spent alot of time on my knees last night. My first episode with anxiety 30 years ago I tried to commit suicide...I know as a believer now that is NOT an option. I also know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" but I have to do just what you said and give it up to him. I'm also trying the get through the next 10 minutes and then another 10 minutes...reminding myself..that I got through yesterday and was able to relax for about 30 minutes on my back patio. It is really beautiful right now in this time of year in Florida. The sun still shines but there is a nice cool breeze. Thank you again for your kind words of support.
ther ya go, there ya go..
ther ya go, there ya go...that's it- focus on the 30 minutes and the nice cool breeze. You are not going back to the same place you did 30 years ago- no way! 10 minutes at a time...
I totally agree with Deir.
I totally agree with Deir. Look at the Sedona Method too. It is totally about acceptance. Sometimes you need to do this many many times per day!! And SAY NO to people. Do less. Less is more right now. This is hard to learn.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
You CAN do this. You're
You CAN do this. You're talking to someone that after a year of treatment checked herself into out-patient mental health, 9th floor, of a local hospital. I spent two weekds being buzzed in to participate in their program. In hind-site I think the porgram was a load of crap. However, it gave me a focus, along with Matia, that I held onto. I've later ffound an incredible mental health program. Anyway, I know your anguish. My head problems have been my biggest struggle. I am SO much better. You are right, this treatment, for me, brought the past back with such a force that dealing with it has taken every ounce of courage and strength that I can muster. So, I truly get it.
Thank you Denise.
Thank you Denise.