Just wanted to check in to share some positive progress, since I know that's always what motivates me to keep moving forward... especially when I'm not feeling well. 

I have been in total AWE of my wonderful body over the past two weeks. When I first became ill, REALLY ill, I remember thinking about health as a Mecca of sorts. I would pray, hope for and obsess over a rebalancing of my body, physical health and well being. I remember visualizing health and what that would feel like, and tears would come to my eyes because it seemed so tangible but so impossible at the same time. I promised myself that if I ever did feel healthy again I would cherish that feeling, but I wouldn't cling to it... I would just be grateful for every moment of it. The funny thing is, when I used to imagine health I thought that once I started feeling it time would stop for a second so that I could lie down on the ground and thank the universe for my good fortune. In the past two weeks I have felt a sense of health that didn't make time stop, it slowly crept up on me, as though I had been looking the other way this whole time and all of sudden I turned around and there was well being staring me smack in the face. It was so startling and unexpected, so refreshing, that sometimes I would find myself laughing or smiling from joy and gratitude out of the blue, and sometimes crying for the same reason.

I had my first glimpse of health in these past two weeks, which was unexpected because I had anticipated an unraveling of progress due to the arduous traveling I have been doing. I traveled abroad on a VERY intense ten day tour of Israel last week, where I was a part of a program that had us moving from dawn until dusk, LITERALLY. Before traveling I was worried about being able to stick to the diet, worried about water sources, worried about everything that could possibly go wrong. By day four I realized that I could handle it all. I could handle being awake and on my feet, running around like a chicken with my haed cut off for an entire day. I could handle the schedule and expectations of a twenty something in ways I never thought I would be able to again... I could eat food that I didn't prepare myself, on a daily basis (this required a lot of trust!), and I was perfectly comfortable and happy doing all of this. Three days after my trip to Israel I traveled to Hawaii, and here I am, bladder a bit irritated, but when I say a bit, I mean a bit. I am still doing everything that I want to do (granted we have a kitchen where I am staying which helps). I am living my life. And for all of this, I feel an ocean of gratitude and joy washing over me, because this healing has taken place slowly, painfully a lot of the time, over the course of two longs years now... and I'm not finished! But I can see it. Health doesn't seem like this alien concept anymore. I am certainly nervous about having to get my wisdom teeth taken out and losing all of these gains... hoping that won't be the case... but in any case, I am grateful for this window of opportunity and joy, because two years ago I decided not to go on the exact same trip to Israel that I went on this year because I wouldn't have been able to manage. As a matter of fact, I cancelled the very same trip for health reasons last summer! But a few months later, I was ready. 

Anyway, I just wanted to post this so that people know that healing is real, because sometimes it TRULY does NOT feel like that is the case. It is wonderful when we have tangible benchmarks of progress, like the ability to travel or to work, or to be in a relationship or to exercise etc. It certainly allowed me to look back in time to make some very real comparisons! 

I hope that you all will have the chance to experience this sense of joy and gratitude that I am feeling today, and I feel almost certain that you will. Now I just hope it lasts, but even if it doesn't, I'm glad to have this moment. 

Love,

Hannah