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I have been struggling so much the past 2 weeks. I just started rehearsing in the first full professional production I've done since getting IC. I am so excited but I think tthe stress is really affecting me. I have been flaring horribly almost every night and now today was the first rehearsal where I just felt HORRIBLE and felt like it infringed on my performance.
I thought I was ready but this is hard. Also struggling with the why's. Why me? why so long in treatment? Why is this happenign right now?
I directed and choreographed a show in the winter and did fantastic! So I thought I would be fine with performing but I am not! So depressing and scary.
Deir, prayers being said for
Deir, prayers being said for you right now. I am so very sorry to hear you are struggling. I had pain from just standing and singingfor a while. it is so very disheartening when you love something so much but at the same time it can be stressful and add stress to our bodies. I wish I had words of encouragement that would lift your spirits - as you know so well as a Veteran of this disease and treatment sometimes our only options are to try to just push through. I know Matia is also a performer. Hoping she can give you some insight into what may help. Perhaps the yoga. Relaxing the areas that are being stressed. I'm not much help in this regard sorry but I ama prayer warrior and I've got your back there. Much care, concern and big hugs. Patty
Thanks!!
Thanks!!
Deir,
Deir,
I will pray for you dear! My daughter just went through a rough three day labor and delivery, and my son is getting married in 5 days. I have been doing my best to keep my body level but my inflammation markers went up in spite of my diligent care. I have guests plus caring for my daughter as she has IC too. I had to bring her food to the hospital plus make food for my guests and care for my 5 year old and my other grandchildren visiting with us for the wedding. What helps me is to read my Bible and pray, and go to my safe foods. Today things feel much better even though we are still in a very busy week of wedding happenings with more guests arriving. A big hug and lots of love to you.
Dear dear Deir; a reminder
Dear dear Deir; a reminder that our bodies and reactions are not linear. What happened last year with your performance prep may, during any other time and any other stage of healing, not be exactly the same. I agree that stress plays a huge part and that can be caused by the particular stage of healing alone...I think the key is acceptance rather than denying and the fear; and fighting whichever personal condition/stage we're in . Ideally what works for me is meditation...breathe in..breathe out letting go..for moments of mindlessness and acceptance...I know, "easy to say" and takes some practise/reminding. But during those times I've found moments (even brief) that helped centre me in big stress! Youtubes of leading you through Insight Meditation are available by inputting Joseph Goldstein, or Tara Bracht or others for their guided few mniutes of Meditation. I know there are many others...just offerring what works for me..hoping for some help to you. What you're doing is so inspiring and brave and a chance to release creativity/talent...That alone is healing...You go girl (with acceptance) You can do!!! Prayers happening...
Thank you, wise ladies, from
Thank you, wise ladies, from the bottom of my heart!
Hi Deir,
Hi Deir,
I can imagine that you're going through a lot of stress, but I wish and hope for you that it's been good to put yourself out there even if it hasn't gone perfectly. I keep thinking how amazing it is that you've gotten back to doing what you love - and I know that it's hard in the face of pain and uncertainty. I just watched "Seymore: an Introduction" last night - about a musician who sees and helps others see how music is this gateway to the universe/god/whatnot - and it made me think of you watching all the performers just become part of the flow of sound. I'm so sorry youre not feeling well at the moment, I'm sending you healing thoughts and strength. xoxo
Deir, I'm sorry you're
Deir, I'm sorry you're flaring right when you're taking a big step and performing again, I'm so pleased the show you directed in the winter was so successful. I really hope you will improve and be able to push through with your performance. I've been doing much better lately but I had some relatively small stress last friday and it really affected my bladder for 2 days, its deifnitely a huge factor for all of us, I hope you can find a way to rest in between rehearsals and still take care of yourself while you do the show. Sending positive thoughts for your improvement! C xx
Deir,
Deir,
It seems like quite awhile ago when we began this journey. Doesn't it? The very fact that you have committed to performing again tells me how far you have come in treatment. You are a strong, intelligent, compassionate woman who is so much more than this disease. Use all those coping skills we have learned along the way to return to the performing that you love. This is temporary.
Katie