Forums:
hey everyone,
this has been a tough, tough week. flaring for no apparent reason and it's really been lingering - about 10 days now. not the exact same intensity every minute, but just overall not good. i've been in treatment for just about 4 months. lots of ups and downs, but this one seems particularly crappy, especially because it has lasted throughout my entire period (when usually that is the time i feel better) and just keeps going! i have been doing okay overall, some REALLY subtle changes, but enough for me to have let hope in. so now, i just feel down, i mean really way, way down - to the point where i wonder, was i even really feeling any better? is any of this even working?
have any of you had times where you flared and there really wasn't anything you could point to as the cause? no cheating on the diet, no using any new products, etc.? since starting with matia, i've had times where a change in regimen would kick up symptoms, but they didn't last (either because we made another change or my body just adjusted), but those episodes weren't as emotionally taxing because i knew the cause. this time, no such luck. i'm just confused by how bad this flare is. aren't the flares supposed to be getting less intense, less long-lasting?
matia is having me try a new herb, so once that arrives tomorrow, i will see if that helps. but in the meantime, just trying to keep my head above water and tell myself that this doesn't mean the treatment is not working.
would help to hear from anyone who has gotten through an episode like this and then actually kept making good progress.
thanks in advance.
Many many times
I uderstand what you go through, VERY much so!Many many times I thought I was starting all over. Again, this road can be long and hard. I was a severe case. I never cheated, EVER. I just had not where else to go and I just kept going. The treament works!I found that some of us are just really harder to balance. I sure was one that was hard to balance. You keep going and you always need to let Dr Matia know how you feel and she will make adjustments when necessary.It is hard work to get your health back. I am sharing this with you because I know what it is. If I think back...I say gosh...and wow!Many many times I thought there was no end to this and I sure know what you mean when you say; was I really feeling any better? I know it very well! But you must continue because it works! You can not see it right now but you will get better. It is so different for everyone...very different.
I feel for all of you who are just starting out and who are really struggling because I know so very much what it is and that is why I do want to give back. You must have hope. Today I was making a cup of hot chocolate, I bought some raw chocolate beans the other day and I grinded the beans and I heated some almond milk and added it to the cocoa. While I was drinking this delicious hot chololate I thought about the days where I could never think of drinking this and all the other wonderful healthy fruits and vegetables I eat....I appreciate all things in life so very much. I feel IC has brought me many good things in my life, ofcoure I could not think this way when I was so chronically ill and had so much pain every day. But I have learned my lesson. I have changed all the way and I love it. Again, never in a million years could I have thought I would be healthy again, ever. I need to tell all of you who are struggling so very much.
Let me tell you, when I first started the treament with Dr Matia all the way in the beginning I did not have this web site to go to. I was all alone and it was so hard. I had Dr Matia and the succes stories on the icaroadtorecovery.com site....that was all I had in the beginning. At one point after about 7 months in the treament (and boy was I ill then) I got in touch with and old patient of Dr Matia and she and I we exchanged about 3 or 4 e-mails and she wrote me: "Angela, you will get better with Matia, I know a few other people that have been treated by her and they ALL have gotten better". She said that also she was a severe case and that it took her about 4 years to get better and she said..."we finally got there in the end". And you know, that was all I needed to hear...,this lady gave me so much hope (bless her heart)...I thought about these words everyday, everyday...."Angela you will get better with Matia".......I needed that so much!I played the words over and over in my head. and because it had taken her 4 years to get better I started telling myself that I was going to be a 5 year one....the reason was so I was not focusing on the disease anymore but I started to focus on healing. And you know what?!, I did not have to wait 5 years. I feel better because I stuck with it and I will maintain this life style for as long as I live. I have gone back to school in the mean time. I am almost done with my naturopathic program and I just finished my 2nd semester in herbology. I am out and about and my life is full, Life is great again and actually better than before IC. I know better today. I know now not what to do. Life is worth living very much so. Nature is ever young and beautiful with more life and more life. Here I am telling you that you are going to be better. You will. When that will be?, no one knows that day. But the day will come. And you will be eating all the wonderful foods that nature provides for us. There is an end to this.Everyone has the right to have good health.I give some advise....stay away from toxins....do not use toxic chemicals on your skin, think this way, if it is not for human consumption do not use it, do not put it on you! Do not burn your foods and eat them as natural as possible. I love this buddhist saying: "We belong to nature, nature does not belong to us. Destroy nature and we'll destroy our selves for we ARE nature". These words are so true.I hope this will help and that you can keep playing the words that I wrote here tonight inside your mind when days are so unbearable and you feel that there is no end. Because there is a healing path and you are on it. Much loveangela.
aboros5
I can really relate to this post! This recovery is very very slow. I have had to redefine my concept of a timeline for getting better and just realize that I am making progress however slow it is and at first-especially at 4 months it was hard to see any improvement. especially cause it was not lasting! I started seeing improvement that was significant at 6 months. when I say significant I mean I had two-3 days in a row where I felt pretty good not great but you know I could tell my pain levels were lower and I noticed some other symptoms were less severe but it is a looong road and that is normal. You most likely did not imagine those shifts and subtle changes. We are pretty in tune to our bodies- so I think those changes were real. I also suspect that the flare- could also be a good and positive sign in a sense. this happened to me 2 months ago and just happened again a few days ago. I departed from feeling of "normal" you know just okay- to uh oh I got a flare. good news is it is less of a flare than my flares used to be- I'm 9.5 months in treatment but its still a flare and it does dishearten especially after I have had even 2 weeks of feeling pretty good. at first I thought the flare was from something I accidently ate or handled but I realized that it was out of the blue. when that happens it usually means that our bodies are ready for a new angle of treatment- the formula needs a tweek - cause our bodies have different things going on and a new herb might be exactly what is supposed to happen- however you can't know what you need unless your body is communicating to you. our symptoms are like bread crumbs to wellness in a way- don't get discouraged! I have to stop pressuring myself to feel like I need to be better in one year. one year is a long time but I am trying to have the patience to realize that its okay if my body needs more time to heal. It took me years for health to collapse and its not going to take me 20 years to get better. also I have realized that this condition can be depressing with perceived set backs and waxing and waning- totally draining hope after the build up-but also one of symptoms can literally be depression. At least for me I am noticing how blah and lethargic I feel and how I at times so used to this feeling of exhaustion and cloudy mood and brain fog. this seems to have a big effect on how I perceive my treatment. Then sometimes I suddenly surface and feel good in spirit for a day or two and then wake back up the next day in the mental/emotional swamp! but I have seen enough changes to feel confident that progress is happening but at times I wonder how far have I come? I do think I have come a ways because my concept and threshhold for pain is different and less now a days. I think the body tries to forget pain. I have a different scaleand also different sensations of pain than what I used to feel. Angela put down a wonderful post. Thank you Angela! I want to echo her statement about if you are sure that you are flaring and its not a source you can identify- let Matia know right away and an adjustment can be made. you are making progress although it feels like you haven't. I have noticed that my vuvladynia pain is less- I am also experiencing less yeast. I just want to be better NOW! I totally understand and empathize with your frustration and feelings on this. Be tenacious in your treatment! You will breakthrough! Thank you! hope you feel better soon. i am waiting on my new herbs to arrive as well. last time this happened things got better!
You are very welcome :)
You are very welcome :)
Thanks Angela
Thank u so much Angela for sharing your experience with those of us who are still on the path to recovery. It is very kind of u to take the time to post encouraging msgs which gives us real hope. I really appreciate it, ur helping a lot of people, probably more than u will ever know.
Well!!! I have managed to
Well!!! I have managed to pull myself together, dry the eyes and nose and see the screen enough to add my gratitude to the rest. Angela and Honeybee..I cannot tell you how timely your postings are. I have been in a true funk for quite awhile and yesterday it all came crashing in on me...bleak..black despair..not a condition I experience very often. Your posts and the others as well have enabled me to turn around and am back on track. I forgot to remember where I've been. We do seem to do that. Yes, I am uncomfortable a lot, I am restricted in activities and I do feel unattractive to be with while losing my social skills because I am mostly staying close to home. I eat 5 items while others are enjoying and smacking their lips over different taste sensations regularly.I would dearly love a good night's sleep and few seem to understand my condition.BUT!!!!....8 months ago, I was in constant pain that was far far worse, I could eat only 2 items, I did not go out at ALL, I was taking 4 different drugs for pain and supposed cure and was dopey, depressed and mulling over the medical info that I'd just have to live with this, finding the right drugs. How could I have forgotten! I am so fortunate to have found Dr Matia and this wonderful forum. I needed these caring, loving pep talks and reminders of improvement and even better times ahead... this thread is a keeper and gold for me to return to when I get shaky......thank you thank you..Love Lois
thank you
angela and honeybee,thank you both so much for your replies. i honestly don't know how i would get through these tough spells without the comfort, hope, and understanding that i have found on this site. i keep re-reading your posts and just trying to let the positive words sink in. i'm feeling a bit better today - haven't got my herbs yet but hoping those help to push me in a good direction. i've been thinking A LOT about what you said Honeybee, about how sometimes when you feel worse, it just means that you need to change up your regimen - that it actually may just be a sign to move that next step forward in the healing process. i never really thought about that. it's funny how just a few words can really help to shift your perspective on a situation that otherwise seems so bleak and scary. and right now i need all the perspective i can get... i have a family situation going on right now with my father's health and dealing with the emotional toll of that on top of being in the middle of a flare is beyond difficult. i'm not a weak person - not by a long shot -, but honestly, when i am feeling bad physically, i sometimes feel like i just can't handle anything else. it's like you want everything to just stop so you can deal with your pain - after all, isn't that more than enough to deal with on it's own? but, life just keeps happening.thankfully, hearing from you guys makes me hopeful for a time when i will be able to deal with life like everyone else - without constant pain weighing me down and stripping my ability to handle what comes my way.so, thank you again... so so much.
aboros5
I am also 4 months in treatment (and on the List 1 diet for 3 months before starting with Matia). I have seen a definite improvement but am impatient (like everyone) to feel normal again. I just wanted to connect with you and say I understand how u feel. Things have improved for me but very very slowly. I describe it as a snail's pace and its taken me some time to accept that rebuilding my immune system and bringing my body back into balance is a long-term process and that each day is a step forward on the journey to health. If I have a bad day I can fall into thinking - "is this working?" and "Maybe I'm just getting better at coping and there's been no real change." I know that I need to focus on the fact that I no longer have what I call "the bleach in the bladder feeling" to describe the burning I used to have. And I no longer have the feeling that there's a razor blade stuck in there somewhere (ouch!) which is what my pain was like. I still have some pain but it is minimal compared to how it used to be. It is so easy to lose sight of how far we have come and focus on how far there is to go. I think that bladder symptoms can get worse in the beginning of treatment, I guess this is due to the toxin die-off and is a sign that your body is cleansing. The die-off is tough but it doesn't last - I've had yeast die-off which was hugely uncomfortable but I had to keep telling myself it is temporary and a necessary cleansing process, and sure enough that has all stopped now. At 4 months we are still quite early in treatment, other patients I've spoken to have all said it took at least 8 months to a year to feel a significant sustained improvement. As someone on here said we have to "keep on keepin' on!" The support from this site is brilliant, it gives me real comfort to know that I am not alone and the encouragement from people like Angela who are proof that Matia's treatment works gives me hope to keep going knowing that all the hard work we have to do is necessary and worthwhile and will lead to a healthy and more balanced life in the future.
Thank you
Thank you lolo for sharing your IC past. I am flying out to California in May and was greatly encouraged to hear your story. Even though you are in the beginning of treatment, you are already giving people hope. One day, you will be on these boards telling others of your complete recovery! I also want to thank Angela and Honeybee for their amazing contributions to this site. The ICAMA is a place of hope and healing. Dr. Brizman has created a beautiful community.
i can totally relate to this
i can totally relate to this post right now. i too ''out of the blue'' i feel like am flaring and i thought i was moving along so well. we're trying to adjust the herbs to figure it out. the herbs i were taking were working well and now all of a sudden something isnt right. from all the post i know this is just another stage of healing, the up and down. but it is really hard to not get discouraged.has anyone not really had urgency or frequency and through the healing all of a sudden have this? its great to read all these post they really do help ease my mind a little, thanks:)