Nicole, ur stronger than u know - stay strong - u have made it this far. MR203 wrote the following last year (it has stuck in my mind):
"What it comes down to is this: you don't have any other option BUT TO KEEP FIGHTING and get better. You wouldn't be where you are right now if you weren't a fierce fighter. Anyone that makes it to Matia has courage and strength beyond what words can describe. And here you are. So there will be horrible days. But there will be good days too. You have to live for the good days. When you don't want to live during the bad days, you just have to struggle thru until you get a good day. You can't give  up. You won't give up - you've come too far and you know it. We are here for you". Thank you MR203 for those words of encouragement. Unpleasant dreams can be a way of working thru things and facing fears which lurk in the subconscious, I sometimes have dreams where I am distressed and when I wake up I feel like I have worked thru stuff, resolved stuff somehow. Even tho bad dreams are unpleasant they can be a mechanism for releasing toxic stuff, bringing it to the surface, dealt with and resolved. I think recurring dreams are a message that you need to address something in particular. How about trying a hypnotherapist or psychotherapist? Get a recommendation of someone who has helped others. There are many therapists out there who are a waste of time and money. 

Dear Nicole, I so know how you feel!! But remember that everything is temporary and you are in the best hands possible. I know it is not easy. There are two ways off seeing the illness, one will help you and the other will slow your progress. I know it is easier said than done, but consider that I have IC myself... and have fallen more than once into depression because of it and I understand how you feel. When you accept the IC, the treatment, the symptoms, the die-off, all of it and see it as moving towards your goal, you find beauty in your dizziness, time of withdrawal, strict diet, because these are things that mean it is going forward. It is not stationary, nothing ever is. Out of the treatment your body was, day after day, degenerating, not healing, getting worse. With Matia your body is getting rid of toxins everyday, and moving towards health. You have to believe it is. Your body needs you to stop resisting the process, it needs support :-)Think of the direction you are in, think of your goal, then compare to the direction you are not taking by being with Matia. When we begin this treatment, we all say:" I would do anything to be well", once again, how easy it is to speak those words. But I believe that we all meant it!! It just gets tough, but we are all tougher!!I agree that weird dreams are meant to speak to us. The mind resolves many issues when we sleep, assimilates emotions, etc. Personally, I found that healing my emotions made me perform a huge leap in my treatment. As if many heavy layers have been peeled off and now, my healing can actually start taking place. I work with a certified Barbara Brennan healer, who is absolutely wonderful and super well trained! I will try to post about that in another part of the forum (not to turn this into another novel...) Just email me if you have questions. I also worked with a hypnotherapist that was recommended to me. This has made a huge difference in my life, I can't even begin to explain how.I'm a little off topic now, but what I really wanted to say is that I know how you feel. The thing is that your body is doing everything it can to get well, this is it's strange way of getting there. Once that is really clear, the whole process is seen as truly wonderful. When you concentrate (as in focus, not as in "to just think about") on who you were and what you used to do, you are resisting the process. Right now, you are moving towards freedom from IC!! That is something worthy of your thoughts :-)  It has also helped me to read a lot about detoxification and what happens in the body, because it became more real, understandable.My case seems stationary, too, but now I know it is not. The stuff we take is inducing changes inside, everyday! Everyday I am eliminating toxins and everyday, I get a little stronger... and so are you. Hold on to that thought, because this will carry you through your treatment. This is the only advice I can give you because it works for me :-) I wish you lots of strenght and I am sending you a big hug right now...B

Hi Nicole,
The hardest part in all this besides the pain is the unknown... like you said not knowing how long it will take to get well, or what's making you worse when, or why or how or what.... To be very eloquent, I just think this sucks balls sometimes.  It's like going off to war when you're already injured, stuck in a hot sticky jungle fighting these hidden but very real enemies, not knowing how injured you really are, and all the while not knowing whether you'll come home next month, next year.... Going to war when you're not injured is tough enough.  I so sorry you have to be going through this and feeling so awful and not getting enough relief yet.  You've been thru so much, you don't deserve this.
Do you think you might actually be progressing more than you're giving credit to? I know for me sometimes I feel like I keep ending up back at square one, decent/good times but then always back to pain, and doubting if I've really progressed much at all.  But then I wonder if I'm not giving myself enough credit, if I can't see it objectively - and thus accurately - because with time as things incrementally improve your set point adjusts, and pain is relative, so what can feel awful now might actually be a better version of awful than months ago.  I'm not assuming/projecting this is the case for you, but know I've pondered on this for me, in case it's helpful.

I totally hear you.  I have days where I think 'I just can't take this anymore', b/w the symptoms, the diet, many other restrictions and always having to think about everything I'm doing and how it might be effecting my health.  Not to mention spending so much money on all of it.I've taken much of your advice, including putting up affirmations on my bathroom mirror, and also a 'Matia Sez' to remind me every day.I'm going through a phase where I'm re-examining everything.  What I'm eating, putting on my body, etc.  I find it so hard to tell which foods bother me.  So, that's what I'm focusing on right now.  Just quit spelt bread, going strictly rice flour, and my husband is making me things with it.  And brown rice and potatoes.  Had to quit bubbly water.  Also just switched to strictly organic meat.  Noticing a difference.I think it's good that stuff is working out in your dreams, and I'm glad you have a place here not to be alone with it.  It's better than it coming out through your bladder or other body parts.  I know for me, I'm learning more and more layers of everything –– for example it's taken me getting into this second time in treatment to learn that both my mother and grandmother also had unhealthy intenstines as a result of their emotional trauma and subsequent lifestyle.  They both died of causes that started in the intestines (colon cancer, and small/large intestinal ishthemia) So, I get that I'm really fighting to live a different life in so many ways here, and this is a gift.  If it wasn't for my bladder urgency, I don't think I would have been so conscious of this, and may have continued killing myself in some of the same ways.This is not an easy journey.  But I think there is a purpose for us all individually and collectively as humans.  Hang in there, I know you will come through the other side, as many do and we all will. I did once before with IC and Matia, and I know I will again. 

cool! Keep us posted :-)