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Hi everyone,
For some reason, I feel like some people may really need to "hear" this post. I hope my own personal insight helps:
I have been in treatment with Matia for several years now and have come a long way, however, there is still something holding me back... many times I feel guilty for not having "will power" to be a saint on the diet and taking the supplements. I think my case of IC is probably quite simple and staightfoward, however, the psychological component is very complex I think. In many ways, the fact that I have IC, I think also causes a lot of very weird "mania" like behaviors in me which impedes my progress. Maybe for some of you who have psychological symptoms from IC (I am not talking you are depressed because you have IC, I am speaking that yeast toxins physciallly cause mental impairment to some extent) will relate to this post.
I had been reading some interesting posts on celiac websites... very sad ones. This will relate, so hold on with me... Most people think that celiac symptoms only include weight loss and not weight gain. In one case of a lady, she was very obese and had no idea she had celiac. She had tried everything to lose weight, but to no avail... She felt starving all the time and her family and friends told her she needed to get "will power". This depressed her even more, but she felt like something was really wrong. She went to the doctor who also laughed at her (we ICers know this too well) when she said she thought she had celiacs and wanted to be tested. He told her that celiac patients we grossly underweight. She still persisted. Turns out, she DID have celiacs. She went on a gluten free diet and that alone, helped her shed 100 pounds! Many people assume that skinny people are starving... Scientists are now starting to find that obese people are starving as well, and that their intestines are very poor at absorbing nutrients from food which is why they are compelled to eat all the time...
My point with this story is a couple of things:
1. Celiacs is well documented to cause depression, not because of the fact that you feel crummy, but also because there are physically toxins being released in your brain to cause fogginess, depression, adhd, etc (we ICers are all too familiar with this as well)
2. sticking to a diet is hard to do when your brain chemistry may be physcially altered! I came to this epitome today. I am sooo ADHD that I have a hard time remembering I have IC and this is when my bladder is screaming at me. I finally realized "oh my goodness, it is probably the toxins in my body that make me forget that I am sick, which make me forget to take my medicine which makes me sicker and thus perpetuates the cycle"
Now, this is not to say I am completely not at fault for my own actions, however, I think when I examine why I cheat, it makes it easier to fix the problem. For me, I physically have to say to myself... "that will make me sick and more forgetful if I eat it" Hopefully as I get better, I won't have to say this to myself anymore.
For me, it is not as easy to say "have will power"... For me... I must live in the moment... literally and take baby steps. I was making myself worse by feeling guilty for having "no will power" Now I realize why that will power did not exist. Not to mention that my mom and sister both have IC as well and I was brought up in that kind of hectic and erractic household. That hecticness now I realize was because of IC. So as you can see, my own personal psychological component is very complex.
I just want to tell those of you who are struggling with sticking to the protocol what I hope works for me: verbal reminders!!! also, exercising I have found helps too... It conditions my mind in a way, like a meditation. I know that sounds weird, but for me it works. IT DOES NOT WORK TO FEEL GUILTY OR BAD so please don't do that to yourself.
Hope all this makes sense and I hope it helps some of you who struggle out there!
Jeanette
Thanks for sharing your vunerbilities. One of the things that I love about the people on this site is that they share their successes as well as their short comings. Even though I have been good with the protocol, I find that my mind really struggles with finding the cause of my flares. Right now, I am so sensitive that even some of the items on list 1 seem to case pain. This week, I am trying to temporarily limit my diet in hopes of figuring out what is causing the problems. I tend to be hard on myself for not being able to eat the same things each day until I figure out the cause of my flares, which seem to be food related. This week, I am taking a break from oilve oil (tonight's salad was a little dry LOL). Like Matia has said, there is a mind/body connection. I have struggled with lethargy and foggy thinking for years. It is easy to think that this is "just the way I am." Now I think there is a physiological component resulting from an imbalance.
I AM NOT MY IC
A loving thought can heal your body. You might try to put words of encoragement around your house on the fridge. Some of the things I have to help keep me going around my house are.
honor your own needs and learn to accept your limitations
I am managing at this level and I have a plan.
IC is repariable and I am getting beter.
Focus on your accomplishments
Live for the moment to your own standards.
I am not my IC
I don't have to solve everything today
Be in the NOW
LIVE FOR THE MOMENT TO YOUR OWN STANDARDS!!
focus on your accomplishements
ITS JUST THE TOXINS COMMING OUT and I AM GETTING BETTER
May I be well
That is the yeast talking not me.
Accept that our challenges offer us gifts even when we can't see what those gifts are.
A quote from Cristiane Northrup, M.D.: "Understand that each heart is self-healing if given the space and permission to feel what it needs to feel. Be willing to bravely and compassionately enter the unhealed places in our own hearts. When we're on intimate terms with our own pain and suffering, and have made a commitment to heal them, we have far less difficulty keeping our hearts open to others. Know that it's part of the Great Mystery why some people open their hearts to themselves and do the work of healing and others do not. Still, it is our job to fan the flames of hope and compassion, no matter how dim they may seem.Rather than take on the impossible burden of thinking it is our job to heal others, we must also remember that the biggest gift we can give to another is a healed heart. And that is, and always will be, an inside job."
When your going to "cheet" if you feel negative emotions about eating things that are toxic to the body just celebrate every little spoonful, you'll have more of a negative reaction to it-not to mention the residual guilt.Bless it and thanks her body for allowing her to break the rules for a few glorious moments.Bless all of your food good or bad. It is healing in some way if it is bad it is bringing you joy in your brain so take that joy for every bite. Savor all the flavors of your food chew it slowly and take in the aroma. when you prepare it prepare it with love and take that loving energy to the table. If your alone play some music light a candle and savor it.
Discover an openness to seeing something new that is bound to bring new insight and growth.Stress reduces your immune power and produces stress hormones. Being stressed will thus leave you more susceptible to the destructive power of Candida yeast. At the same time, Candida-related toxicity creates stress through its destabilizing effect on blood sugar, the nervous system, and brain chemistry. Even though it is the brain chemistry altering you will still need the will power to "take it to the matriess" FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT IT. Don't let the toxins speak for you. Learning to listen to your body is great practice for learning to listen to your soul, learning to listen to others and learning to listen for spiritual guidance.
Ethanol and acetaldehyde are two of the main byproducts of Candida albicans metabolism; both are neurotoxins. It will help to remind yourself that as your body becomes stronger, so will your emotional balance. I like to imagine that I am in battle with them and I am not going to let them win. You know those scrubbing bubble guys I kind of picture the yeasties like that but with horns and I have to take them out. LOL When I get to a point where I am struggling I take a breath in and say the montras and then I invision them gone. It brings peace to my whole body and mind. Be aware of your emotional shifts when tracking reactions in your health, you will likely learn a great deal about which foods and substances trigger emotional reactions. Remeber be kind to yourself a healing thought can go a long way. You are not your IC.
Nicole
Ha Nicole... If this was
Ha Nicole... If this was facebook, I would put a "thumbs up" for "I like your post" Then I would video tape a dance for you. Thank you! I really liked your quotes...
LOL Jeanette, I think this
LOL Jeanette,
I think this post hits home for a lot of people. We really don't talk about the emotional part of this process too often. I am so glad you liked my post. I littlerly took those quotes off my wall. Some of them are from the meetings, some are mine some are from my therapist. Honestly if it weren't for my affermations I don't think I would get throught it. I think i need it piped into my brain non stop. :D much love to all of you
Great post Nicole! Thank you
Great post Nicole! Thank you for the affirmations and everything you wrote! I appreciate your meaningful words and will incorporate them daily!=)shar
Your post was so wonderful,
Your post was so wonderful, Nicole. Thank you for taking the time to share all that meaningful & helpful stuff. I esp. liked your ITS JUST THE TOXINS COMING OUT and I AM GETTING BETTER - I try to say that to myself when I feel awful so I don't get discouraged. That way I actually try to turn it into something positive (which I guess it is technically), plus knowing there's a purpose to suffering makes a big difference for me, and reading Viktor Frank's amazing book years ago - Man's Search for Meaning - made that abundantly clear. Highly recommend to all.
Signs...
Out of the blue, a friend lent me this book some months ago and I haven't got around to reading it yet and then last week I was given this book as a gift by another friend so now I have 2 copies but still haven't read either! I'm taking yr rec Lisa as a sign that I need to read it. Sometime books leap out at you as if they are trying to get yr attention! This happened to me years ago before I got IC with "Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient" by Norman Cousins. It fell off the shelf in a library in Mayfair, London in the late 1980s then I noticed it in a display in a bookshop in the Midlands in the 1990s and lastly I saw it in another bookshop nr Regent's Park, London in 2000 when I finally bought it! I warmly recommend this book as it is one of my 3 favourites books I've ever read.Anyone want to share book recs? Doesn't have to be about health/illness.
jane
Wow - it must be grace, then, as I like to think of these things. I will check out your rec as well and comb my lists to see if there's others I'd highly rec to all.
And please let me know what you think of Frankl's book!