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I need advice regarding my 20 year old's problem with an eating disorder. She has been struggling with it for four years and actually improved a year and a half ago only to go down hill once again. She has had a very recent problem with her left kidney having urine reflux back from her bladder. She does not get her period and has acid reflux. She basically eats salads with some chicken , occasionally granola , and well I am not really sure because I can't monitor her as she has a job and keeps busy. She restricts herself from foods but is not bulemic. She is often depressed and feels very lonely. She has a hard time making friends. She is extremely talented in whatever she takes up but is a perfectionist. She is extremely beautiful and dresses up any where she goes. She is articulate and sharp, but gets easily frustrated and angry and is extremely sensitive.
I know some of you have had eating disorders in the past and I was wondering if you could give me any advice on how to help her at this very critical point. Unfortunately because of my surgery and complications with IC I have not been able to be on top of things and help her. I want to change that now and offer her the best I can to help her get through this as successfully as she possibly can.
What was it that most helped you change so that you were able to get on top of your eating issues? Did you go through an eating disorder residential program? Therapy? Hypnotism?
I would like to get her out to Dr Brizman but can't imagine having to go a second time as I am sure they won't be able to fit in an extra appointment on the day I have scheduled and that would mean waiting another 2 months. I may have to give my daughter my appoinment as I feel Dr Brizman would be so much help to her.
I would appreciate advice from anyone who has successfully recovered from their eating disorder so that I may guide her towards better health.
Thank you,
Sue
Hi Sue
Hi Sue
There are many issues here.
First, let me say, that if it were my daughter, I would find a way to get BOTH myself, and her into treatment. If not this month, then SOON! Find a way!! Make it a priority!! Lure her to LA with promises of shopping trips!! But, take care of yourself first so you can help her!!! Think of the oxygen-mask analogy for airplane emergencies :)
The fact that she does not have a period and has acid reflux means her body is already very imblalance. I WISH someone could have told me this when I was her age. I too restricted my foods. It was a way to control my environment and my emotions. It is NOT normal to have acid reflux. I don't care what the pharmiceutical companies and western doctors say. It is NOT normal to not have a period. Convenient. But very abnormal. It could effect her fertility later.... I was developing endometriosis when I was not having a period. I had a hard time getting pregnant.
Her moodiness, depression and social issues may very well be connected to her imbalance, and to a gut imbalance. When our guts are not doing well, they stop producing seritonin. Without the seritonin, depression can occur. With restricting her diet, particularly a mix of colors and healthy fats to absorb the nutrients, she is depriving her body of vital nutrients. I also had too many carb-laden meals without protien. This causes major insulin spikes and messes with blood-sugar and mood and overal health!
This book would be helpful if she is willing to look at it:
http://www.amazon.com/Mood-Cure-4-Step-Program-Emotions-Today/dp/0142003646
Also, this book. Dr. B would not agree with some of the cleansing protocols, but there is info about the brain/gut connection.
http://www.amazon.com/Clean-Expanded-Edition-Revolutionary/dp/0062201662...
He also has a new book comming out in April, called Clean Gut
I really don't know what works to motivate young people to take care of themselves. If she would be open to an eating disorder program, then research them! Also read a few books about eating disorders. There must be some good advice about how parents can support young adults with this issue. You are not the first one to go through this. Young people with eating disorders tend to have over-controlling parents, so this is a dillemma. How do we support them??
Maybe you could appeal to her vanity a bit. Her diet will age her faster than those on a balanced diet. Dr. B would get her back on track quickly and have her period return and help the kidney issue!!
I would be thrilled to talk to her, but I am just one more grown-up. Feel free to give her my email. I certainly restricted my calories and this sowed the seeds for this horrible chronic condition to take over my life.
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
Hey Sue,
Hey Sue,
So sorry to hear about your daughter. I can imagine it must be such a hard thing to watch your child suffer and not be able to help. Hopefully she'll reach a point where she's ready to make some changes. Until then, I would say just letting her know that you love her, that you see she is in pain, that she needs help and you are ready to help her is about all you can do. Eating disorders are a bit like drug/alcohol addictions in that until the person wants to get help, you can't really help them.
It's a very sweet thought to give her your Dr. B appointment, but if it's not really her idea, I can't imagine that she's ready to change. I am speaking from experience on this: I did therapy, residential facilities twice, outpatient stuff, etc. Until I was ready to commit to change, it didn't matter what kind of care I was getting. It was all just band-aids and my thinking was completely dedicated to thinness and nothing else.
Matia thinks that my IC is in part caused by my long term eating disorder struggle. If only someone had told me that IC could have been prevented through me learning to love myself and take care of myself, I think I would be living a very different life today. That is, if I could have heard them. I hope your daughter understands that how she treats her body now will impact the way her body works in the future. So many of my friends had eating disorders in high school and especially college and we all have any number of chronic/wierd issues today.
Please let me know if I can be any more help with this. It's so hard and my heart goes out to you!
Claire
Claire and Mimi,
Claire and Mimi,
Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I was thinking of printing them and giving them to her to read. Do you think that would be wise? I can't think of a better way to let her know my concerns then to have her read letters from women who have been through it.
Please let me know what you think.
Sue.
I think it might be seen by
I think it might be seen by her as a betrayal of trust-you speaking to other people about her health. I personally would not do it. But you will find your small ways to support her and I agree with Claire that she will only go down the path of health when she is ready. I only hope that when she is ready to find a more healthy approach to eating, that she doesn't tread down the vegan path, because I think that can create a lot more health problems, potentially. We are here to support each other, so feel free to vent here anytime about your worries re your daughter!
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
I got a lot of beenfit from
I got a lot of beenfit from Overeater's anonymous but I was 28 and I was ready to change. She has to be willing. So hard to have to stand by. Try to see if she will got to a meeting with you. Best of luck!
Bonnie,
Bonnie,
Does over eater anonymous help anorexic persons ? - she restricts her eating.
Thanks,
Sue