I understand your decision to go ahead with the test as you had been planning on it for awhile....not wise to beat yourself up about that. I am so sorry you had such an experience AND pain! Having had some incidents that are similiar over this 7 year IC trip (1 year now with Matia) I want to say to you...let the whole thing go..it all chalks up to lack of awareness and caring on the part of doctor and team. They have no idea what our experience with IC is.  How outrageous, he should be so blunt and untactful AND unprofessional in his manner! .....poor uninformed soul..he is more to be pitied...I strongly suggest you breathe out the anger, do what you have to do to nurture your body and soul after this procedure...hot bath, read a book, do something that is enjoyable for you and continue with Matia!!!! I am so grateful to have found her and her method is working!Warm Hug, Pink Lady...Lois

OMG, pink lady I was reading your post and thinking...this is EXACTLY what I went through, it MUST be the same evil doctor...until the part about the sexual abuse which didn't come up in mine, though I think I ran out of there so fast, it may have eventually!   I had the exact procedure, no drugs (when I told a doctor friend there was no sedation she was shocked) and I was crying from the pain.  Bear in mind I had this done before I knew for sure I had IC, so I was HOPING he would find something wrong, like cancer, that we could actually work to fix.  He came up from my crotch and said, just as I thought, your bladder is 100% healthy!!!  I started sobbing because of a)pain and b) if it's healthy, then WHY the hell am I in so much PAIN???  I look back on the whole thing as laughable and it makes my hatred for male Western doctors even stronger, at least when it comes to IC. Would you believe, after several trips to my family med doc about my pelvic pain, I finally got diagnosed with IC and called him up to tell him and he said his WIFE has IC too....he never even thought this could be my issue!!  ANGER!!When my friend's mom (happily married for 40 years) came down with IC, she went to numerous doctors (this was about 10 years ago) and one of the older male doctors said to her: "I think secretly you are a lesbian and you are resenting your husband for making you have sex with a man and therefore you are creating this pain in your head and you should be treated by a psychiatrist."  I'm sure we all have stories like this!I completely understand your frustration, but just know the pain of this procedure will subside in a couple of days and you are so so lucky to have found Matia and be on the path to wellness! I can only say, unfortunately, these doctors are mis-educated, it's really not their fault, they just have no idea when something isn't black or white.  In our cases there is only gray and they never learn about the gray areas.  Just as they don't learn about nutrition or prevention in medical school, but how to write a prescription and see you on your way in under 10 minutes.  Maybe you could write a little letter to this doctor and then not send it...this way you get your feelings out and make yourself feel a little better.

I have tears for you right now. First, before I say anything about my experience I want to tell you  I am SOOO sorry about your horrible experience, and people like this do not serve to practice medicine.  I had a similar same experience in different ways: When my IC first started I went to a male urologist and he scheduled a cystoscopy.  I went in and layed down and the not so friendly nurse gave me some sort of shot in my female area and told me it would be uncomfortable when they inserted the camera, but not painful.  Then the mean doctor came in, and tried to stick it up my urethra and I started screaming.  It was the worst pain of my life, and I have had c-sections.  Then, he stopped and looked down at me, and said, " So I guess you do not want to know whats wrong with you, there is no need to reschedule since you cant handle the procedure"  Then he just walked out and the unfriendly nurse said something rudely about me dressing and leaving.  I did not go back to another doc for my IC for another 2 years because of this.  I did not even know I had IC. Then, 6 months ago I went to a women OBGYN.  Thinking she would be more understanding.  I told her sex was hurting and I suspected vulvudynia.  She did the exam and then told me she thinks it's because of my past sexual abuse because there is nothing wrong.  Yes, I do have a history of abuse, BUT I went through lots of counseling for it and I KNEW this was a medical problem and not a psychological issue.  She sent me off with a referral to a psychiatrist and a prescription for depression pills, even though I told her I AM NOT DEPRESSED.   Then, a few months later I went to yet another doc.  A normal physician.  I went because I was having a ton on KNEE pain, and he sent me off with a prescription for depression pills!  All because he said I was too young to have arthritis and because I had depression many years ago.Us ICers and women in general have had  it bad with many doctors.  I am so sorry you are going through this, and know you are righ tto be mad about this.   I KNOW what you went through and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I read a literature review a while on IC produced by the National Kidney Association--they dont even really know what "IC" (different doctors define it differently) is---plus most new research says that the cystoscopy actually CAUSES the glomerations that the urologists are looking for!  Such idiots.  Matia's dissertation delineates this as well.  Sorry you had to go through something so awful!  However--at least now you've ruled out anything medical and you can focus on getting better!

  I am so sorry to hear about your negative experience.  Matia gave you great advice and you will feel better soon.   I had a bladder distention, hydroscopy, potassium test, and bladder wash in one day.  My bladder was never the same.  I got a diagnosis of IC but at a high price.  My bladder may have looked normal if I hadn't allowed the doctor to perfrom those invasive tests and procedures. I walked into the office with moderate IC and left with severe IC.  I had never felt so violated.  Regarding the sexual abuse and IC.  A few months ago, the ICA newsletter had a study that said there was not a correlation betwen sexual abuse and IC.  You have found Matia and are getting better each day.

I had a cysto done as well... Those docs are all the same... I had interns in there watching me as well... I thought... "hey, if I can help out with learning, then sure."  By the time the cysto was done, I was in tears and shaking... Those people are the worst jerks ever... All I wanted to do was jam that scope up their pee hole and see how THEY like it.  Every single "doctor" in that room laughed at me.  I feel sorry for those doctors though, I can't imagine the tragedy of walking through life as a big prick.  Too bad they wasted a quarter of a million dollars in money to go to med school only to not help a single person... Who is the joke on now?

My heart went out to you bigtime reading this... and then reading everyone else's past experiences so similar to my own -- both the physical and psychological pain are equally traumatic. No one, not even God I mean doctors (hah!) or other authority figures, has the right to demean you.
Remember, Western med tests aren't full proof.  Just b/c a test shows you don't have something doesn't mean you don't have something.  Why does it automatically mean that your inner knowing that something's wrong is faulty? Why can't it be that the test is faulty?!  Current science may be incredible but our instruments even now -- medical, astronomy and otherwise -- are bad at detecting many things and incapable of detecting many things more.   You could suffer from excruciating headaches and go for every test current science has to offer but none would "show" the headache going on.  So you'd hear "Your head is perfectly normal.... So it must be all in your head." (sorry, couldn't resist.)  You can't see air.  You can't capture a black hole. Does that mean they don't exist? that they aren't real?
RE: the abuse part, I do have a history of borderline sexual abuse but I keep thinking there are SO many other victims of sexual abuse and they're not ALL stricken with IC or even any bladder/genital-related issue.  Even if they were, it doesn't mean that caused it or that there's not a true physical issue going on.  Still, though, simply for the fact that you endured abuse, it could be wise to consider some help/support unless you've worked through it already. I know I employed a multi-pronged effort in healing myself in all realms, so Matia's treatment was only part of it b/c I want to work on all aspects that could be contributing to illness.  Keep in mind what Matia writes in her dissertation and says sometimes on the calls -- how even those who have serious anxiety or issues with sex, once their physical body gets better, those issues resolve.... issues that on their face one would say are purely psychological.... Remember the "fads" of theories and beliefs always change, nature vs. nurture, physical vs. psychological.... we may ascribe way too much blame on the mind for things that originate/get messed up with in the body. Just think about all those brain cells in your gut! I mean, brain cells in the gut - what the hey? Or people w/ depression who may just have a real chemical/bodily imbalance going on.
Buddhism also talks a lot about causes and conditions and how complicated they are... you might find exploring that helpful to take less of the burden off blaming yourself.

I just want to tell you how sorry I am to hear what you went through physcially and emotionally with the procedure.  Before treatment with Matia, I also had an awful procedure with the urologist that gives me nightmares when I think about it.  It's soo horrible to have to go through an evil procedure just to get a diagnosis.  Wish you speedy recovery and quick healing.....

I was told by many doctors that there was nothing wrong with me.  The one doctor even saw the hemorrhages.  Another very prominent doctor in my area, years later, told me my symptoms were psychosamatic.  There's no help for this disease in the conventional medical system.